


glitch

by oreopng



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Friendship, M/M, Mild Language, Pining, Romance, Unrequited Love, and maybe there will be fluff idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2018-11-29 00:44:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11429637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oreopng/pseuds/oreopng
Summary: Fate was never really one to make mistakes. Its actions and assignments had always been carried out with utmost precision, accuracy, and care - well, that's what most people thought. However, it seemed like things didn't go smoothly for Lee Taeyong and Nakamoto Yuta.-au in which the name of your soulmate appears on your right wrist the moment you first lay your eyes on them





	1. Chapter 1

Fate was always considered one of the most powerful entities to exist in the universe. Being destined to meet someone who’d treasure your entire existence – loving every curve and edge owned – seemed to be a fairy tale to Lee Taeyong when his seven-year old self first heard about it from his mother’s careful mouth. It was almost unbelievable that fate, something so abstract, came with great power. She reminded him that not everything comes easy, so he can expect it to take detours along the way, that sometimes he might start doubting its capability, that maybe he’d start to think everything about it was really just a beautiful myth.

But his mother also reminded him to just believe.

-

It was during fourth grade when Jaehyun’s first name appeared on Taeyong’s right wrist. It was that day when he started to believe in the fairy tale his mother used to tell him about.

It was spring back then, cherry blossoms bringing color to the once lifeless-looking trees. The wind was crisp and refreshing and filled with mixed fragrances. The birds sang their songs, not skipping any verses in the process. The music from the outside was accompanied by the stomping feet owned by other kids running in the corridor, bringing Taeyong back to the reality of his life as a student. First day anxiety never left him, even though he’s pretty much familiar with more than half of the faces in the classroom. Jaehyun’s face was one of the unfamiliar ones, being the new kid who just came back to Korea after staying in the United States for years.

His full name was Jung Yoonoh, often called Jaehyun. 'Nice,' Taeyong said to himself.

Taeyong clearly remembered how the apprehension ceased as it was replaced by the tingling sensation he felt on his wrist the moment his eyes met with Jaehyun’s for the first time. He just finished his introduction by then and was looking for where Taeyong was seated in the room, following the teacher’s instructions to sit right next to kid.

The mark was small, but each letter was obviously written with much care, as if Jaehyun’s name was art and his skin was the canvass. To him, it looked like a masterpiece.

As Jaehyun came closer, Taeyong’s heartbeat started to go faster while everything else slowed down. Jaehyun gave him a heartwarming smile – a smile that he already knew he’d never get enough of. The new student extended his right hand to Taeyong, reaching out for a handshake. Taeyong returned the smile before his eyes quickly scanned Jaehyun’s wrist for any signs of his name written on it, but only ended up finding nothing. He felt the presence of an unknown kind of weight in his chest as he finally accepted the handshake Jaehyun was offering. However, Taeyong was still a child back then, too naïve, too unfamiliar with all the pain love could actually bring a person. His knowledge was only filled with happily ever afters, so he still decided to believe in what his mother had told him.

“I hope we can get along well, Taeyong,” Jaehyun said, still with that smile that melted every inch of the new seatmate. It was soft; it was beautiful. Taeyong was still too young back then, yet it was as if he fully understood everything; he already knew that these words were the perfect fit to describe the gesture. 

Taeyong put in mind that maybe his name would appear on Jaehyun's wrist sooner or later. The both of them were still in elementary, anyway. No need to rush things. Besides, it took a while for Prince Philip to reach the sleeping Aurora. Taeyong just needed to wait patiently. He just needed to believe and have faith.

Or so he thought.

-

Another tiring day of lectures came to an end for Taeyong as he plopped himself on the leather couch, throwing his bag to the side, not caring where it landed on. His first hell week as a college student was about to come and he was already panicking on the inside, trying to sort how he’d pull things off. His planner was filled with deadlines while his study table was filled with pink and blue sticky notes containing additional reminders he’d need for the next couple of days. Weariness had always overwhelmed him. Taeyong never really got used to the feeling despite completely drowning in it during his last year of high school due to all the pressure he had regarding grades and college applications. He sighed heavily as he settled to just order pizza to get him through the night. He decided to just have a movie marathon before going into war. Some nice science fiction or sappy romantic comedies would probably do, he thought. The weekend would be dedicated to finishing papers and problem sets, but Friday night would always be about rest and unwinding.

A few minutes later, he heard the doorbell ringing. He quickly grabbed his wallet, not expecting for the pizza to arrive so soon. However, instead of a pizza delivery guy, he saw Jaehyun in front of his door, smiling like an idiot.

Taeyong hated that smile. It always makes him flip on the inside. It always reminds him of how first love was filled with vibrant shades of pink and purple and red like the sunrise and sunset, having him wrapped around its finger due to its beauty. It was the smile that made his knees weak as his heart’s pace accelerated exponentially. Taeyong really hated it.

Throughout the years, he and Jaehyun became the best of friends. Jaehyun didn’t leave his side ever since the two became seatmates and both ended up entering the same middle school and high school. At first he was annoyed by the transferee’s clinginess, but soon enough, he had gotten used to it, eventually missing Jaehyun during vacations wherein the latter would be in the US. They became basically inseparable after realizations of how strong their friendship had become, though he thought that college would be different. Jaehyun once mentioned to Taeyong that his family was planning to go back to the US after he finishes high school, but there was a sudden change of plan that made the boy’s family stay. The both of them were so ecstatic on the day of the news, celebrating with cherry soda and buffalo wings. That day suddenly gave Taeyong’s hopeless heart a light. He thought that maybe, Jaehyun really was his soulmate. Taeyong thought that maybe - just maybe - it wasn’t a glitch, after all. Maybe the two them were really fated for each other.

Little did he know that the tiny bit of hope would disappear a little too soon.

“Why didn’t you text me that you’d be coming over?” Taeyong asked, walking towards his living room, Jaehyun following after him “I ordered four cheese. You’re not the biggest fan of that pizza.”

Jaehyun joined Taeyong on the couch, the smile still present on the visitor’s face. “I’ll be fine with that. I’m pretty much in a good mood today.”

“No shit,” Taeyong rolled your eyes at his very obvious statement. “Spill the beans, Jung.”

“I found my soulmate, Taeyong. I finally found him. We met in the library a while back. It was…so unexpected. I felt like my heart wanted to jump out of my chest.” Excitement was written all over Jaehyun’s voice and his face. He was too precious and Taeyong was aware that it was a sin to show him any signs of disappointment.

But on the inside, the tiny flame brought to Taeyong by the day they two celebrated Jaehyun staying in Korea disappeared completely into the darkness as Taeyong’s heart suddenly grew cold. For a moment, he thought that his whole world had come to an end, feeling as if time was suddenly put to a stop, everything falling apart just like that. He suddenly felt lightheaded as Jaehyun’s figure became blurry. Tears flowed freely from his eyes as his body shook without him knowing.

Taeyong’s trembling hands reached out for Jaehyun’s right wrist. The name was clearly etched on Jaehyun's milky white skin. Taeyong traced his thumb on the name of the person, his own wrist stinging in the process, but he cared less about the burning sensation on it. His heart ache was way more painful, anyway. “Sicheng…it’s a cute name.” Taeyong managed to force a smile despite wanting to just disappear into the void. He mentally slapped himself for coming up with such an adjective. He knew his vocabulary was not that narrow, but it was all that he could think of as the pain distracted him. He figured out that acting like everything's all right was the top priority.

The name written on Jaehyun’s wrist was relatively bigger than the name on his. Maybe it was an implication that they weren’t meant to be. Maybe it was a sign that he should have noticed way before hoping that they could actually get together. Maybe he could have thought about the possibility long before he started falling for Jaehyun, yet he chose to ignore it. “I-I can’t wait to meet him.”

The smile on Jaehyun’s face faltered as more tears raced down Taeyong’s face.

“Taeyong, you’re crying…is everything all right?”

If Jaehyun hadn’t pointed out, he wouldn’t even notice. His attention was too focused on faking everything.

“I’m fine. I’m just happy for you, that’s all,” he reasoned out. “My best friend finally found his soulmate. How can I not be happy?” The pain in his chest tripled along with the stinging sensation on his wrist. He was never good at lying, but this was this was the best lie he had come up so far. It was a good start now that he’s pretty sure that he’d find himself lying to his best friend every now and then.

Jaehyun smiled at Taeyong softly once again as he wiped the tears rolling down Taeyong’s right cheek with his thumb before taking Taeyong’s wrist into his hand. He gently traced his fingers on the visible veins as Taeyong felt agitated, knowing that Jaehyun might smudge the makeup he had always put on his wrist ever since the day he decided to wait for the right time to come to tell Jaehyun, though at the moment, it seemed like the waiting game was all for nothing.

“Thank you,” Jaehyun sighed in relief, looking back into Taeyong’s eyes. “You’re the first person to know about this. I actually wanted to call you right away after I walked Winwin to his class a while back, but I remembered that you had lab during that time.” The smile he flashed at Taeyong was too genuine that Taeyong felt so guilty for lying to him. "And oh, Winwin is his nickname. Please don't get confused."

Maybe a part of Taeyong was truly happy that Jaehyun was able to find his soulmate already. He remembered how the idea had always thrilled Jaehyun whenever the two of them happened to touch the topic. Jaehyun had always trusted fate and the universe, believing that everything that happens – whether good or bad – has a purpose. Everything was already predestined and was only waiting for the right timing.  

But was Taeyong okay? Was he fine? Clearly not. Maybe he was just trying his best to be as selfless as possible, that's why he just stayed silent about this. His heart ached at the fact that Jaehyun was his soulmate, but he was never Jaehyun’s. He hated the universe. He hated fate. The punishment was too much for him. It was as if the planets were never meant to be aligned; as if the moon would never get the chance to catch up with the sun; as if the flowers were all meant to fade.

His train of thought was interrupted by the door bell ringing. Taeyong quickly got up, this time certain that it was already the pizza he ordered. As he was about to walk towards the door, he heard his best friend calling his name, making him hum in response, still trying to act as if everything was okay.

“I’m sure you’ll find your soulmate soon,” Jaehyun reassured and Taeyong only laughed at his remark.

-

It’s been four days since that heartbreaking incident happened. Each second passed by excruciatingly, literally and figuratively. Ever since Jaehyun told Taeyong about his soulmate, the feeling of being punched in the stomach with an immense amount of force was introduced to him, as if the heartache and the sting on the wrist weren’t enough already. It wasn’t always there, but the pain would kick in during the most unexpected times: while Taeyong was rushing to his next class, when buying groceries, or simply when he’s picking out a book he’d be using for his paper. The timing was insane and he knew he had yet to learn more about the Art of Faking.

But as for now, Taeyong just hoped that the skill in line with the art would just come naturally since he didn’t have much time on his hands to deal with this, knowing that he’s currently in the middle of hell week.

The sound of the keys of his laptop being hit crazily filled the 24-hour café situated near his university. He was there since 10 pm last night and he was cramming a paper due by 9 am. He only had less than an hour before the deadline and he had yet to print everything and rush to his professor’s pigeon hole.

With a loud huff, he saved his work in his flash drive and fixed his things before rushing to the counter, figuring out that he’d need some sugar before rushing to the library and fighting his way to the faculty center where his professor’s pigeon hole was.

“I’d like to have one of those banana muffins,” Taeyong told the cashier before handing her his card. “To go, please.”

“May I have your name?” the cashier asked.

“Taeyong.”

“Okay, Taeyong,” she said, labeling a paper bag with his name, “here’s your card. Please wait at the side.” He just did what she said, although he actually hoped that she could’ve decided to prepare it herself to save him all the trouble of doing a trip to the pickup bar.

“One blueberry muffin for Taeyong,” he heard a male voice shouting from the pickup bar.

“Blueberry? I thought I ordered the banana one,” Taeyong frowned. It wasn’t like he wasn’t a fan of berries, but he really loved banana muffins from that café and he figured out that it would be a good treat after pulling out an all nighter.

The barista checked Taeyong’s receipt and noticed the mistake. He gave the customer a sad smile, which unexpectedly, Taeyong found attractive, still. “I’m sorry for having your order mixed up. I’m still kinda new here,” he explained, a sheepish smile replacing the previous one. “Give me a second; I’ll just heat up one banana---”

“Ah, it’s fine!” Taeyong exclaimed, noticing the time, panic starting to fill him inside.  “I’m in a rush, anyway.” He decided to return the smile, before grabbing the paper bag containing the muffin.

Before the barista was able to say something, Taeyong was already a foot away from the door, munching on the dessert. “Taeyong,” he mumbled Taeyong’s name to himself, promising to remember it along with the cute way the customer was flustered all of a sudden after noticing the time.

“Yuta, one tall caramel macchiato, please!” the cashier shouted, alarm resounding in the tone as more and more costumers lined up to grab their daily dose of caffeine and whatnot.

Yuta quickly snapped out of his thoughts, returning to his post as he wished that the other barista who was on break would return already.

-

An hour had already passed quickly and the sudden influx of customers was already gone, everything running smoothly once again as the tranquility in the café was restored. Yuta’s break was coming soon and he couldn’t wait to give his wrist a rest. For an unknown reason, he felt a weird sensation while he was preparing the beverages and heating up the snacks.

“Yuta, go take your break already,” Doyoung, the other barista, declared. “You're doing pretty well on your first day so far.”

“Thanks,” Yuta beamed in return, taking off his apron before hurriedly entering the staff room. He immediately sat on the bench and held out his right wrist. His heart started to beat faster, adrenaline rushing through his veins. He traced his left thumb on the name written on his skin. His breathing cycles came in shorter and more irregular as incoherent thoughts flooded his mind.

It was written in a compact manner, unlike how his father’s name was written on his mother’s wrist. It was small, yet his heart fluttered at how beautifully tattooed the name was.

“Taeyong,” Yuta smiled to himself, replaying the small encounter the two of them had in his mind until his break was over.


	2. Chapter 2

The hands of the wall clock in the lecture hall moved as if they were snails. Johnny’s eyes were either on the time-telling device or on Taeyong. The latter, on the other hand, was currently staring at the view from the adjacent window to his seat. Neither the two were interested in the Physics lecture for the day  and decided that maybe it would be better if they’d just zone out than try to act as if they still understood what the actual hell was happening in the current lesson. Taeyong knew that there would always be a good textbook somewhere in the library that would help him catch up with everything and  Johnny was well-aware that Taeyong was a reliable and trustworthy classmate and friend.  

Fortunately, the anguish of waiting for class to be dismissed had finally come to an end as the professor proclaimed the words everyone was waiting for: class dismissed.

“Johnny, do you know what today’s topic was?” Taeyong immediately asked as he stood up from his chair. “I honestly didn’t listen from the very start.”

“Hmm, beats me, but wait…” Johnny shrugged before trying his best to recall any possible keywords that would answer Taeyong’s question. After all, he’d need Taeyong to know which topic to study since he’d just be borrowing the classmate’s notes pretty soon. “Something with ‘string’, I think.”

“Ah, the String Theory, I see.”

“You know about it?” Johnny inquired in surprised a surprised manner.

“I just happened to come across an article about it the other day,” Taeyong explained, getting ready to leave the huge lecture hall after noticing that more and more students had gone off already. “You know, Physicists trying to come up with a theory for everything.”

Johnny looked at him, amused with the prior knowledge Taeyong already had. “Waaah, Taeyong-ah! I knew from the very start that I can always rely on you! So…can I borrow your notes on Saturday, maybe?” His tone was disgustingly smooth, as if trying his best to impress the guy in front of him, hoping to score a date or whatnot.

Taeyong only rolled his eyes as he continued to walk towards the exit. The last time Johnny borrowed his notes, the notebook ended up returning to him in a disastrous state as the once white pages officially turned into coffee-stained ones. Johnny only gave Taeyong a sheepish smile and a bagel to make it up to the classmate.

The string theory…it was one of the theories that caught Taeyong’s interest, he remembered. He was not the biggest fan of Physics, but this theory, along with the theory of the multiverse, seemed to be very relevant to him. A part of the theory required accepting the existence of other universes and dimensions. All possible universes that one could think of actually existed simultaneously. And Taeyong, being so lovesick, had slightly taken everything out of the scientific context, and once thought that maybe, in those infinite universes, there was one in which he and Jaehyun were in love with each other, nothing one-sided about the relationship. In the universe he had in mind, Taeyong would have openly loved Jaehyun and Jaehyun would have let him and reciprocated every tiny bit of affection. It was a good thought, too good that it was damaging Taeyong already. It was a painful escape from reality.

“Hey!” Johnny shouted from behind as he tried to catch up with Taeyong. “You haven’t answered my question yet! The notes Taeyong-ah, please?”

“Stop calling me that!” Taeyong looked at him with an expression of distaste due to the nickname. “And it’s not like I can say no to you, right? Because the last time I did, you actually went to my apartment in the middle of the night and woke me up from my slumber just to beg for a summary of equations.”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures, my friend.”

“Whatever. But you have to come with me to the library after our last class.”

However, before Johnny could even protest to the terms of his classmate, the person Taeyong was avoiding (and lowkey longing for at the same time) made an appearance in the scene.

“Jaehyun,” Taeyong said with a monotonous tone as he stared blankly at his best friend. “What brings you here?”

“What’s with that question?” Jaehyun laughed as he stepped closer. “Is it so wrong to meet up with you? We haven’t seen each other ever since the day that day when-” he stopped midway as he blushed at the thought of Winwin, his mind making him recall how his heartbeat went crazy at the first time encounter with his soulmate. “-you know-"

Taeyong tried his best to stop the tears from flowing as he begged his emotions to cooperate for even just a second or two. He knew when exactly Jaehyun was referring to and he didn't need Jaehyun to spell everything out, though he wished that he didn’t notice the redness coloring Jaehyun’s fair cheeks. He felt like he was about to throw up as he recalled that incident in his apartment. Until now it hurt Taeyong and he hated the fact that he was madly in love with his best friend and everything was just, well, unrequited. “Okay…and?” He hoped that Jaehyun didn’t notice the sudden break in his voice. The pain kicked in again and Taeyong knew that he flinched. He only hoped that Jaehyun didn’t notice the quick reaction.

“Well, I was wondering if you could have lunch with Winwin and me,” Jaehyun invited, finally regaining the composure lost due to the uncalled for reminiscence. “You can bring Johnny, too.” Jaehyun looked at him with hopeful eyes, dimples coming out along with that infamous smile of his.

Taeyong knew that he couldn’t win this battle, but it wouldn’t be okay if he didn’t at least try, right? Gathering up all the courage in his system, he gave his best friend an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, but Johnny and I are about to pick up books to the library since the lecture a while back was kinda confusing.”

Johnny only gazed at Taeyong in confusion. It was the first time in months that he saw his classmate say no to  _the_  best friend and he would be lying if he’d say he was not shocked to witness such rare occasion to take place. Back then, Taeyong would always try his best to resist the magical effect Jaehyun had on him, but sadly, he’d eventually give in. However, this time, Johnny was certain that he saw something in Taeyong’s expression – most specifically in his eyes – that was suggesting that it would be the best to bail out of the current situation. And pain, there was pain, too. Johnny was sure of it.

“Ah, yeah…” Johnny supported awkwardly. “We were lost during the lecture and the professor announced that we’d be having a quiz next meeting…and you know, we wouldn’t really want to fail quizzes since they make up like 15% of the grade…so…yeah.”

The smile on Jaehyun’s face disappeared as his hopes of making Winwin and Taeyong meet that day vanished into thin air. His lips formed a thin line as he nodded with utmost understanding. “I see. But maybe some other time? What about tomorrow?”

“Taeyong and I will have to consult with our Chemistry professor-”

“And on Friday?”

“We’ll attend the party hosted by Alpha-”

“I was referring to lunch, though,” Jaehyun pointed out.  

Taeyong sent a glare to Johnny, who in return gave him a do-not-give-me-those-eyes-I-am-trying-my-best-to-help-here look.

Sighing, Taeyong interrupted the mini conversation Johnny and Jaehyun were having since obviously, it was going nowhere and time was running. “I have late lunches during Fridays, remember? I don’t think you can wait until 1:30 PM.”

“Right.” Jaehyun accepted defeat as he pouted. “But Winwin is also excited to meet you…”

“I’m sure I can meet him some other time.” Taeyong looked at Jaehyun with apologetic eyes, feeling sorry for the eager Jaehyun in front of him.

“I’m sure Taeyong is also hyped to meet that Winwon – whoever that is! But we really have to go now. It was nice chatting with you, Jaehyun!” Johnny smiled as he grabbed Taeyong’s hand before running away from Jaehyun, who was dumbfounded at the moment due to the pace of everything that was happening around him.

What did just happen? And who the fuck was Winwon?

-

After reaching a certain distance, the two decided to stop in order to catch their breaths, lungs burning due to the lack of oxygen as their leg muscles contracted. The two weren’t taking any PE classes for the semester so the whole must-escape-from-Jaehyun thing drained the stamina from their respective bodies.

“Johnny.”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” Taeyong muttered as he finally started to head to the library’s direction, ignoring the sting on his wrist and the shortness of breath. “I’ll be heading to the library now so you don’t have to come with me after class. I’ll try to finish everything before Saturday.”

Johnny heaved a sigh before skipping towards his classmate, knowing that it’s too late to go on separate paths with the current situation. “I’ll come with you. It’s not like Ten is already finished with his class and I’m not in the mood to eat, anyway.”

Taeyong just rolled his eyes, although deep inside he was thankful for Johnny’s presence. At least he had a moodmaker beside him now that the pain was resurfacing again. The distraction was really necessary.

“Who’s the Winwon anyway?”

“It’s Winwin, Johnny. And he’s Jaehyun’s soulmate,” Taeyong managed to say as he forced out a smile, making another attempt to hide the sharp pain in his abdomen. The temptation to cry was so strong, but Taeyong couldn’t just breakdown in public. Not this time; not like this.

Johnny fell quiet as he stared as his classmate’s expression. Taeyong wasn’t the best liar and the smile plastered on his face was a fake one, Johnny knew. For some unknown reason, Johnny was actually good in reading people, especially those who were close to him. Reading Taeyong was like studying an open book – it was so easy that sometimes he’d want to enroll his classmate to an acting workshop.

“Taeyong,” Johnny started, a serious tone replacing his sing-song one earlier, eventually breaking the uncomfortable silence between them after the mention of Jaehyun’s soulmate, “whatever it is you’re hiding, you do know that you’ll have to tell your best friend about it, right? Eventually, I mean.”

“H-how did you-”

“You know, even though we’ve only known each other for months, it’s easy to read someone as genuine as you,” Johnny explained as he tried to smile in order to relieve whatever tension there was in Taeyong.”You’re not the type to lie to Jaehyun – or rather, you’re not the type to lie in general – and I guess your hesitation towards the invite a while back meant that there’s something. Don’t worry; I won’t bug you about it. If you’re not ready to tell it to me, then it’s okay. I just hope that you’re not hurting yourself too much in the process.”

“God, I hate it whenever you sound so wise. It makes me want to praise you, but then I remember that you’re this lazy asshole who always borrows my notes, so no.” It was true though, what Johnny had told him. Everything was so on point that Taeyong was somewhat willing to forget every single time Johnny begged him to sign the class attendance since the latter couldn’t make it to class due to the massive hangover.  “But really, thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Johnny was right. No matter how painful it was, Taeyong could never keep it forever. Pain was a feeling and feelings were meant to be expressed by whatever means – they were never meant to be hidden in the most hidden compartment of the heart. Pain would always, always find a way to escape; it would always find a way to be felt. But the thing was, Taeyong wasn’t exactly sure when he would be willing to finally let everything out.

-

“Ten, can you tell the professor about my situation?” Yuta barely made the request loud enough, but his housemate already figured what he was saying given his current condition.

“No problem,” Ten assured as he grabbed Yuta’s knapsack lying on the apartment floor in order to place it on his study desk. “I also called the manager on duty and told them that you wouldn’t be able to make it to your shift.” As if he was Yuta’s mother, Ten also brought his housemate a pot of ramen and placed it on his nightstand. “Eat that before drinking your medicine. And are you sure that you don’t want to get admitted to the hospital? I still have two hours before my first class, you know.”

Yuta gave Ten a soothing smile and shook his head, “I’ll be fine. This just a normal abdominal pain, no need to bother yourself too much about it.”

“Whatever you say. I’ll just be in my room if ever you need something. I’ll also tell you if I’m leaving already. Be sure to rest.” The pointers flowed out of Ten’s mouth like water flowing out a faucet. Yuta was indeed lucky to have a housemate like Ten. The kid literally knew how to do everything, always saving Yuta’s ass during crises.

The moment Ten finally left the bedroom, Yuta immediately curled into a ball as tried to muffle the scream that was attempting to exit his system. At first he thought that it was some muscle pain, but this time he was sure that it wasn’t just that. It didn’t just drain the physical strength out of him, but also the emotional counterpart. It was an enigma at the moment, but Yuta didn’t know who to call. Should he rush to the doctor? Call his mother? Just stay quiet about it? Yuta wasn’t really the type to panic in situations like this one, so he decided to wait until everything becomes unbearable. He knew that it was not the best option and probably one of the dumbest decisions he had ever made, but after every storm comes a rainbow, right? Yuta was a strong person and he knew that one way or another, the pain would go away.

And unexpectedly, it actually went away whilst he was in the middle of the internal battle. No painkillers, no anything. It just disappeared just like that.

Stupid abdominal pain, Yuta thought as he tried to sort things out in his mind, hoping that he’d be able to make up for the missed lecture quizzes from his morning classes.

-

The day seemed to be full of unfortunate events for Yuta. First, he figured out that he’d attend his remaining class for the day, only to find out that there was a reading sent by the professor via email, which Yuta failed to see, thus being completely unknowledgeable about the topic. Of course the bad luck didn’t end there as he was also called for recitation during the said class. He was given a question that seemed as if it was asked in a different language, which of course he failed to answer right away, earning a lecture about being a responsible student from the professor. Second, he decided to go to work despite all the yelling he received from Ten through the phone, shrieking, “you’re not yet okay! Go home and rest!” but that wasn’t the worst part yet since the pain randomly kicked in while he was preparing a cappuccino, almost spilling the hot beverage on Doyoung. The manager then asked Yuta to take two days off since obviously, he hasn’t fully recovered yet.

Yuta found himself walking to his apartment complex lifelessly as he estimated the amount that would be deducted from his paycheck. It’s not like he was totally broke or something – his parents actually give him more than enough to survive – but Yuta loved the fact that he had a lot of extra money on his hands, being the spontaneous person that he was. He also dreaded the fact that Ten would be all over him, singing a line from a Taylor Swift song, which probably went like, “don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he guessed.

Soon enough, he found himself opening the door to his apartment. They sky was already dark when he arrived and he would have guessed that Ten was already home due to the noise that he could hear from the inside. He also felt like his housemate wasn’t alone, but sad thing was that he wasn’t in his most sociable self at the moment, so he decided that he’d probably call it a night after he finishes taking a shower.

“Oh, hey!” Ten greeted as he removed his apron upon the sight of Yuta. “I hope you went through the day smoothly. Johnny is here, you remember him right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Yuta casually answered absentmindedly as he took a look at what Ten had cooked. Pad Thai. Shit. Was he really skipping this? Ten’s Pad Thai? Really? It was obvious that Ten cooked more than enough for the three of them, but he was just really tired – physically and emotionally. “Hey, Johnny.”

“Yo,” the guest replied, exchanging smiles with Yuta.

Johnny was a regular guest in the apartment – close to being an honorary housemate, who knows – and Yuta found it weird that Ten really had to ask him if he remembered Johnny. It's not like Yuta didn't know the fact that they were soulmates and they've known each other ever since high school. Yuta speculated that maybe there's something new for today. Yuta didn’t mind Johnny’s presence, though. Sometimes Ten and him could be really loud when they’re together, but overall, Johnny was a great person and if only Yuta wasn’t so desperate to end the day, he would actually join the two for dinner.

“Johnny brought a friend, too. I hope you don’t mind. We’re planning to study for the upcoming Math exam after dinner. Would you like to join?”

Yuta was certain that he was about to turn down the offer despite knowing that he’d probably need some help in Mathematics. However, for some uncharted reason, he failed to open his mouth.  He was already sure of himself that he’d be firm on his decision to sleep early tonight, but why couldn’t he utter anything?

“There you are!” Yuta heard Ten chirp as his housemate skipped towards the direction of the bathroom, making Yuta turn around. He immediately froze at the sight of the additional guest who just came from the bathroom. Yuta couldn’t move his feet, completely frozen on the spot. “He’s Taeyong, by the way. He’s Johnny’s friend. He’d also join us for dinner.” For a moment, he was sure that he was speechless and breathless and everything in between. A warm feeling was enveloping his wrist, mixing with the coldness of his silver bracelet brought on his skin. It felt so right.

Yuta’s eyes lit up as his smile managed to reach his ears. It’s been two weeks since the first encounter and there was never a day wherein Yuta stopped hoping to see Taeyong again. Yuta would have searched for Taeyong if only he knew where to start (there were three universities situated near the coffee shop he's working at and Yuta actually found more than 50 Taeyongs in his school alone when he tried to access the student database), but it seemed like he didn’t need to bother himself about that anymore since there was the Taeyong he's been looking for in front of him, alive and kicking.

All of a sudden, all of Yuta’s exhaustion was replaced with ecstasy and giddiness. Probably joining Ten and his guests for dinner would be a delightful decision. The streak of poor judgment and bad choices had to come to a stop, too, he mused. Yuta wouldn’t let the opportunity to make the shitty day into a good one go to waste.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOSH HELLO I AM HONESTLY SURPRISED THAT I WAS ABLE TO WRITE A SECOND CHAPTER TO THIS ONE SINCE I WAS SO LOST WHEN I WAS WRITING THE FIRST LIKE OH MY GOSH. Also, I'm so happy to read all your feedbacks! I'm sorry if ever I confused some of you because of the plot and I really do hope I get to answer your questions in the next few chapters. I will try my best to find time to reply to the comments as well. I'm currently drowning in school work sO IT'S JUST SO SAD I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND (i felt lazy to continue doing acads so i ended up writing this). Anyway, I really hope that you like this chapter even though nothing much happened here. Comments and kudos are always welcome!
> 
> PS ABOUT THE STRING THEORY ACTUALLY I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT THAT BECAUSE LIKE JOHNNY AND TAEYONG HERE I DIDN'T REALLY LISTEN WELL TO MY PHYSICS PROF WHEN HE ONCE MENTIONED THIS SO PLS FORGIVE ME FOR THE INACCURACIES


	3. Chapter 3

Yuta was overwhelmed by the rush of emotions upon the sight of the person who owned the name written on his wrist. He felt lightheaded as his heart was attempting to burst out of his chest. In one fell swoop, Yuta felt everything. He felt as though he was seeing the stars and the moon up close – what a wonderful sight, Yuta thought. In his eyes, Taeyong was glowing, illuminating this beautiful light that attracted Yuta. It was a wonderful view. His heart was beating so fondly that he couldn’t grasp anything else anymore.

“Taeyong, this is Yuta,” Ten introduced. “He’s my housemate, taking up Architecture. He’s---”

Yuta was too excited and decided to cut off Ten’s introduction. Finally gaining back his poise, he walked towards Taeyong, the smile still on his face. “H-hi,” he stammered, extending his right hand to Taeyong. “D-do you remember me? Do you know me?” He didn’t intend to ask the two questions at the same time, but Yuta couldn’t help it. His mind was being flooded by so many queries and he was doing his best to tame his mouth. He wanted to ask when Taeyong’s birthday was, what his favorite crustacean was, chocolate or vanilla, day or night, sun or moon, pop or rock, and so much more. Yuta’s heart was just so delighted.

The smile drawn on Yuta’s face was definitely a familiar one, albeit this time, it was not apologetic, but rather a smile that contained genuine happiness and it was beautiful, Taeyong pondered. He accepted the handshake being offered and replied, “of course. You’re the barista from the other day, right?”

The question took Yuta aback. It felt wrong.

Every emotion Yuta was feeling got immediately replaced by shock and disappointment. He felt his wrist sting, his attention then turning towards it. Taeyong’s name on his skin was being hidden by his bracelet, perfectly concealed – it was as if the mark was never meant to show itself to the world. His eyes instinctively traveled to Taeyong’s wrist and saw that there was nothing but the contour of the owner's veins and clear skin. Yuta was dumbfounded as his eyes met Taeyong’s. All the happiness he was feeling went down the drain and he suddenly felt like all the life in him was being sucked out of his system. Yuta’s chest started to get heavy as the very familiar punch in the stomach resurfaced again. His grip on Taeyong’s hand became tighter, knees wobbling in the process. In one fell swoop, Yuta felt nothing but pain.

One hit, two hits, three hits, four hits. Yuta was counting every strike on his abdomen in his mind as he still tried to internalize everything that was happening. None of it was making any sense and he felt like his mind would go blank any second from now. Ten and Johnny noticed the atmosphere between the two and it didn’t take long until Yuta finally collapsed on the floor. Taeyong was also clueless at what was happening – one moment he was sure that Yuta was all smiles, but then the next thing he knew was that the host was already holding his hand a little tighter than expected, sight of discomfort obvious on his face.

“A-are you all right?” Taeyong asked nervously as he knelt beside Yuta’s body.

Ten and Johnny rushed towards them, both trying their best to act as calm as possible.

“Yuta! Is your abdomen hurting again?” Ten inquired, grabbing Yuta’s free hand. He didn’t wait for Yuta to answer, realizing that he just threw his housemate a dumb question. “Johnny, grab my keys please. I’ll take Yuta to the hos---”

“N-no, there’s no need,” Yuta said in between his coughs. “I’ll be okay. I just need rest. This is what I get from not listening to you.” Yuta managed to smile despite the agony, hoping that he was able to convince Ten.

“Yuta, I can’t let you---”

“I’ll be fine, Ten. I just need rest and meds. Johnny, can you please help me walk to my room?”  Johnny was a tall man and Yuta knew that Ten would probably just stumble down the floor the moment they take the first step if he’d let his housemate do the favor for him.

Johnny didn’t hesitate to help Yuta out, easily bringing him to his room. Ten and Taeyong immediately followed after them.

“Thank you,” Yuta breathed as he tried to get comfortable with the familiar mattress and pillows.

“You should rest now, Yuta,” Johnny advised, standing up. He turned his attention towards Ten, who was trying his best not to panic. “Ten, take care of your housemate. Taeyong and I will go home now. Let’s just study together when Yuta’s feeling better.”

“B-but what about the Pad Thai?!”

Johnny chuckled as he brought his lips to Ten’s forehead, hoping that the gesture would calm the smaller man down. “Bring it tomorrow. Let’s have it for lunch, okay?” Ten just nodded. “Good. We’ll be going ahead now.  Taeyong, let’s go.”

Taeyong took one last glance at Yuta, who was currently staring at him. Taeyong felt his heart getting heavier as he noticed the hurt in Yuta’s eyes. He wanted to ask Yuta about it, knowing that he had also experienced the same thing type of pain, though he was not sure if Yuta’s pain was triggered by the same reason as his – heck, Taeyong hasn’t even found out the exact cause of his abdominal pain before.

“We’ll be going ahead, Ten, Yuta,” he said and Ten only nodded, still worried about Yuta’s pain.

Yuta wanted to say something to stop Taeyong from leaving, but the words were stuck in his throat. He had so many questions running in his mind, but the cramp in his midsection made him too weak. He only watched Taeyong’s figure disappear just like that. However, despite another misfortune and disappointment, for some unsung ground, Yuta knew that there was a tiny part in him that was still thankful for meeting Taeyong once again. The outcome may have not been what he expected it would be – the hell, saying that he was hurt and confused would be an understatement – but he was still happy, nonetheless. He knew it wasn’t making any sense, but he really was sure of the feeling in his heart.

 “Yuta, how are you feeling?” Ten asked, interrupting his thoughts. It’s been minutes since Taeyong and Johnny left.

“I-I don’t know, Ten,” he answered honestly. “Physically, I think I’m fine now. I’m sorry for worrying you.” It was true. Once again, the twinge had left his system during the most unanticipated second. “But I still feel heavy inside. I don’t understand why.”

Ten sighed, as he took Yuta’s wrist in his hands as careful as possible. He removed Yuta’s bracelet and gently placed it on the nightstand. “I was so stupid to not realize that he’s the owner of the name written on your wrist. I’m sorry. Johnny would mention his name from time to time, but I only met him in person a while back. I’m sorry, Yuta. I didn’t know.”

“Ten, it’s not your fault,” Yuta reassured, giving Ten’s hand a comforting squeeze. “I’m surprised that you noticed.”

“I saw your eyes on Taeyong’s wrist. You looked like you were looking for something. That’s the only time when it finally dawned on me.”

Yuta chuckled, hurt resonating in his voice. “Yeah. I was confused, too, you know? His wrist was blank.”

“Blank?”

“Yeah. Nothing’s written on it.” There was disappointment in Yuta’s tone as the image of Taeyong’s wrist appeared on his mind. “I didn’t understand how that happened, but really, there wasn’t any name there.”

“But are you sure he’s the Taeyong you’re looking for?”

“I’m sure, Ten. His name appeared on my wrist that day when I got his order mixed up. A while ago, when I saw him for the second time around, I was so happy and I felt like I wanted to jump so high. The feeling was amazing, you know? I mean, I don’t know how to word it properly, but…I was just really, happy. Am I making any sense?”

Ten just beamed at his housemate and nodded. He clearly understood what Yuta was trying to say and he didn’t need his housemate to be even articulate about the dart of emotions. It was the exact same feeling he experienced when he first met Johnny years back. He couldn’t help but pity his housemate. Everything was happening too fast and he was sure that Yuta was being overwhelmed. A mixture of hurt, curiosity, confusion, and happiness was residing in Yuta. Poor boy, Ten thought.

“…but you know, Ten? It also hurts. It fucking hurts.” Yuta continued as tears started to stream down his face. “It’s only my second time seeing him, but it hurts. I’m certain that this isn’t love yet. Yes, sure there’s attraction, but that’s just it at the moment. I-I want to know him more, I really do. It seems like falling in love with him is a thing that’s bound to happen to me – thinking about it feels so right. But why isn’t my name on his wrist? Why is his name on mine? That’s fucking unfair.”

For the first time since in their lives as housemates, Ten finally saw Yuta cry – not that he was actually waiting for the day to come. Pain resonated in Yuta’s voice as he continued sobbing and Ten could only pull him into a hug in order to remind him that he’d got a friend by his side.

“I don’t even understand why I’m crying. I said that I’m not in love, didn’t I? B-but why am I crying? Why am I hurting? Why am I this affected?”

“Hush now,” Ten whispered. “We’ll find answers soon, Yuta. Get some rest. Call me if you’re hungry. We’ve got plenty of Pad Thai waiting to be eaten.”

“Thanks, man. You’re really the best.”

“Of course.”

“…and Ten?” Yuta looked at Ten in the eyes for the last time that night, “can you please keep it a secret from Johnny and Taeyong?”

Ten didn’t need to be reminded of that, clearly knowing his boundaries as a housemate and a friend. He nodded and did the cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die gesture before tucking Yuta in and going to his own room.

It became a very long night for Yuta. The wind hit the windows of his room relentlessly, as if trying its best to keep him awake. He stared at the ceiling as the scene earlier replayed in his head, Taeyong’s words reverberating on every corner of his mind. His heart sank to the bottom of an unfamiliar abyss as he held onto the sheets tightly. He started crying again, though his eyes were still sore from all the tears earlier. Yuta was a sharp man and it didn’t take him long enough to realize that he was hurting due to the fact that Taeyong didn’t recognize him as a soulmate. Despite everything, Taeyong’s name was still the one written on his wrist and the hurt was probably because of the (one-sided, he thought) bond they were sharing (Yuta also thought that the term ‘sharing’ was rather inappropriate considering the situation), he guessed. He just let his tears roll down his cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away. It was as if there was a bullet stuck in his chest, numbness and pain fighting each other to win his heart. He felt like he was carrying mountains on his back, heavens on his shoulders. Yuta didn’t lie when he said that he was happy to meet Taeyong once again, but he was also being honest when he described the pain as though the sun was only meant to burn for a person and one person only – him not being a candidate for the heat. Yuta felt the chills going down his spine.

Meeting Taeyong for the second time felt like lying on a bed of roses, the soft petals caressing Yuta’s skin as he also allowed the thorns to pierce through. The atmosphere was filled with the fragrance of the flower mixed with the rusty smell of blood. And Yuta didn’t know why, but for a second thought he was hurting so good.

-

Yet another one hour and thirty minutes had been dedicated to feigning comprehension during the Math lecture. As each week passed by, the topics got harder and harder. This was college. This was the life Taeyong signed up for. It truly was the survival of the fittest.

Johnny quickly bade goodbye to Taeyong, saying that he still had a paper to cram that was due by 1 PM and he needed the library more than ever. Taeyong sighed as he walked towards the direction of the food trucks, figuring out that it would be good to grab something to eat before going to his next class.  

“Lee Taeyong! Lee Taeyong! Taeyong!” a known voice shouted from a distance behind, making Taeyong freeze on his spot. He couldn’t even turn around.  It didn’t take long for Jaehyun to catch up with him, panting as wiped off the sweat on his forehead. “Thank goodness I finally saw you.”

“Hey,” Taeyong replied, as if it was some automated response, not knowing what else to say.

His emotions escalated to something so immense, he felt like his surroundings were already spinning.

Taeyong missed Jaehyun. He wanted his best friend to know that. He missed seeing Jaehyun’s gorgeous smile, missed smelling the faint scent of Jaehyun’s musky shampoo, and missed hearing Jaehyun’s contagious laugh. Taeyong missed Jaehyun and he badly wanted his best friend to know how he felt, but he knew that they have greater boundaries now.

“’Hey’? Really? That’s all that you can say to me after not seeing each other for weeks? You don’t even reply to my text messages! I was so tempted to show up in front of your apartment for the past few days, you know.” Jaehyun whined like a 5-year old. It was cute. At least the longing wasn’t one-sided, right?

 “I’m sorry. I’m just really busy and stressed. I didn’t mean to, Jaehyunnie.” Jaehyun’s face lit up at the mention of the nickname and it didn’t take a second for Taeyong to realize what he just said. It was his old way of calling Jaehyun. He just really happened to stop recently. “I-I didn’t mean to call you that. Sorry.”

“C’mon! That was absolutely cute, Taeyongie,” Jaehyun chuckled as he casually put his arm around Taeyong’s shoulder. “Brings back the old days…so anyway, you’re about to eat lunch?”

Taeyong just nodded, realizing his cheeks were heating up as he felt Jaehyun’s familiar warmth once again. Another thing that he missed, Taeyong thought. All the avoiding he’d been doing for the past days were all for nothing. The defenses he tried to build up all came crumbling down the moment his skin touched Jaehyun’s. It was unfair.

“Then let’s have lunch together! I was actually on my way to meet Winwin when I saw you. Then I thought that you know, maybe I can finally introduce you to him.”

Before Taeyong could even say a protest, Jaehyun was already dragging him towards the cafeteria.

Great.

-

Taeyong knew that it was destined to happen soon, but he didn’t expect it to happen that day. He found himself sitting in front of Jaehyun and Winwin, heart shattering in the course of action. Taeyong checked the makeup on his wrist and sighed in relief at the fact that the concealer was still doing its job perfectly – it was probably the only thing that’s favorable at the moment.

“Ya! Lee Taeyong!” Jaehyun has been calling his name for five times already and it’s only now when he finally snapped out of his thoughts. “Are you okay? You were zoning out.”

“A-ah yeah. I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to be rude,” he apologized. He averted his gaze to Winwin and did his best to wear a smile. “Hi, I’m Taeyong. Jaehyun had always wanted us to meet. I’m sorry for being unavailable for the past lunches.”

Winwin returned the smile and Taeyong felt a pang in his chest. Winwin’s smile was subtle and delicate and charming. It was a smile that would make you want to take care of him forever. It was a smile that would bring wilted flowers back to life, would turn the grey skies into clear blue ones, would set everything wrong to right.  It was a smile that Jaehyun would definitely fall for. It was a smile that would make it impossible for Taeyong to hate him. Only minutes into seeing Winwin for the first time and Taeyong already knew that he could never feel animosity towards the boy – not that he actually had the intention to in the first place. “I’m Sicheng. Please call me Winwin. I’m really glad that I’ve finally met you, Taeyong.”

Taeyong learned the basics about Winwin. The boy was in the same year as they were, taking up Biology. His family moved to Korea three years ago, though they were originally from China. Winwin also learned the basics about Taeyong – that he was an engineering major, that he used to dance a lot when they were in high school, and that he’s a sucker for anything Studio Ghibli.

Jaehyun tried his best to avoid dead air, from time to time telling Winwin more stories about his friendship with Taeyong. Winwin would laugh so heartily and Taeyong would just smile, sometimes inserting some comments about how inaccurate the story was here and there.

But pretending as if everything’s okay was really hard, Taeyong mused.

As Taeyong tried to eat the meatloaf in front of him, he couldn’t help but glance at the wrists of the two people in front of him. ‘Sicheng,’ ‘Yoonoh,’ he read accordingly and he felt like he was drowning in the middle of the sea. He couldn’t breathe and the water was delivering salt into his open wounds. Taeyong felt like his entire body was sore due to the pushing and the pulling of the waves. He wanted to scream for help, but there was no one to rescue him. There was nothing to hold on to, there was nothing to keep him afloat. Taeyong felt as though his lungs were burning, heart pumping slower and slower and slower. He was absolutely suffocating.

It was too painful. Taeyong couldn’t handle sitting there and watch Jaehyun and Winwin exchange glances, smiles being painted on their lips whenever they make eye contact. It was too sweet, it was too beautiful, it was too romantic – it was like a scene from a movie. Taeyong’s heart throbbed.

“I-I have to go. I might be late for class. I’m sorry.” Taeyong said as he stood up, not bothering to even finish the almost untouched food in front of him.

He looked for the nearest exit, ignoring the calls of his best friend from behind. Taeyong was not usually like that – Taeyong was a very polite person, but the ache in his heart was something that he could not ignore anymore.

Taeyong really did miss out a lot on Jaehyun as he noticed how more athletic the best friend had become. It was either that or Jaehyun was just too eager to catch him – not that it mattered anymore since Taeyong was already so busy cursing himself for failing to escape the situation successfully.

Jaehyun took hold of Taeyong’s arm, not having any intentions of letting Taeyong escape once more. “Taeyong, is everything okay?” the usual bubbly Jaehyun was gone, his serious side taking over this time. Jaehyun was looking at Taeyong straight in the eyes and Taeyong felt like his best friend had the intention of boring holes into him. He’d seen this side of Jaehyun for so many times but until now, Taeyong still found it scary. It made him tremble. “Did we make you feel uncomfortable a while ago? Were you out of place? Answer me honestly, please.”

Taeyong first tried to wiggle out of Jaehyun’s grasp, making the latter notice on how tight he was holding Taeyong’s arm. Jaehyun mouthed a sorry, an apologetic look replacing the stern façade. “N-no. It’s not that.”

“Then what is it? You’ve been awfully tense a while back. That’s not the Taeyong that I’ve known for years. If there’s anything that you want to say, you know that you can always tell it to me, right?”

Taeyong didn’t want to lie this time. Taeyong wanted to tell Jaehyun the whole damn truth. He wanted Jaehyun to know how his heart beats rapidly whenever he sees Jaehyun smile. He wanted Jaehyun to know that Jaehyun’s laugh seems like a symphony in his ears. He wanted Jaehyun to know he sees the most marvelous constellations whenever he closes his eyes with the thought of Jaehyun in his mind. He wanted Jaehyun to know how much in love he is, that he was so deep into the feeling, into the emotion, that he practically feels helpless.

And also, he wanted Jaehyun to know how much broken he was when he learned about his best friend finally meeting Winwin. He wanted Jaehyun that it was too painful for him, that he was not that strong to endure. He wanted Jaehyun to know that he’s afraid that Jaehyun might completely fall for Winwin a little too soon – it was bound to take place, but Taeyong was only hoping that he’s able to move on already by the time that happens. He wanted Jaehyun to know that he needed more time and space.

“I’m sorry. I truly am.” Taeyong was on the verge of tears, but he begged to the heavens to help him get through this. He couldn’t possibly cry in front of Jaehyun. He couldn’t raise further suspicions.

Their little moment was interrupted by a frantic yelling from the other end of the corridor. Their attention was turned towards the voice and saw Johnny, waving as if there was no more tomorrow.

“Taeyong! The professor is on his way! Are you even planning to come to class or what?” Johnny shouted, not minding if he was being too noisy. Johnny’s save-Lee-Taeyong-from-eternal-damnation skills were really improving.

“Go back to Winwin. You left him alone right? Tell him I’m sorry for suddenly leaving. I’ll go now, can’t be late for class,” Taeyong said in one breath before rushing towards Johnny. He didn’t even let Jaehyun utter a single word.

Jaehyun’s chest ached as he felt the distance between him and Taeyong grew greater and greater. He wanted to chase after Taeyong, but a part of him was reminded that his best friend asked him to go back to Winwin. Jaehyun’s heart was yelling, saying that he shouldn’t allow the gap between him and his best friend grow bigger, but Jaehyun’s body was already walking towards the direction of the cafeteria.

Jaehyun felt a hint of regret as the chattering in the dining hall welcomed him once again.

-

“Hey, is something up, Jaehyun?” Winwin asked as he closed his textbook, noticing the load on Jaehyun’s shoulder. The latter hasn’t been smiling ever since they finished lunch. It was already 8 PM and the two were in a café, trying to finish their readings for their English class. “Is it Taeyong?” Despite Winwin being clueless regarding things happening around them sometimes, he still was not dense as fuck to the point that he wouldn’t notice the sudden shift in Jaehyun’s mood.

Jaehyun just sighed in defeat, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to keep this to himself forever. He put down his highlighter and buried his face on the crook of Winwin’s neck, inhaling his soulmate’s scent – Winwin smelled like mint and the summer air, very refreshing, very soothing.

“Yeah,” he murmured before looking up at Winwin. “I know that there’s something wrong and I don’t understand why he’s not saying anything to me.”

“Maybe he’s not yet ready.”

“But I’m his best friend! We’ve known each other for years! I don’t understand why he should keep it away from me. I---”

“But that doesn’t mean that he’s obliged to tell every single thing to you right away, no? Maybe he needs a little more time.”

Jaehyun only pouted. Winwin had a point. It’s not like he’s actually entitled to know everything Taeyong was feeling.

“He’s a nice person, Jaehyun,” Winwin said out of the blue. “Taeyong, I mean. He did say that he had class, yet he still chose to sit with us, even just for a while. I won’t blame him for suddenly rushing out. We were pretty engrossed in the conversation a while back, you know? Maybe he lost track of time.”

Jaehyun only hummed in agreement. Maybe Winwin was right. Johnny did look for him since he was about to be late for whatever class that was.

“Or maybe he’s dying to tell you about it, but the timing isn’t just right. He’ll open up when he’s ready, Jaehyun. Learn to wait.”

“Yes, sir.”

-

On that very same night, Taeyong was on his bed, curled up in a ball. The pain was making its presence known again and he couldn’t do anything but let the tears fall. The attempts to silence the moans were all in vain and he only hoped that his neighbors were already deep into their slumber. For now, Taeyong would want to keep this a secret between him and the walls of his room. For now, he chose to go through this alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello there! i hope everyone's doing fine!i am bACK ONCE AGAIN BECAUSE IM CURRENTLY ON VACATION BUT SCHOOL WILL RESUME SOON TOO SO U KNOW BETTER MAKE THE MOST OUT OF THIS GOTTA DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO!!! i really hope that you like this chapter!!! AND YES I KNOW I KNOW SO MANY THINGS HAPPENED I SERIOUSLY DONT KNOW HOW TO DIVIDE CHAPTERS??? I JUST WRITE WRITE WRITE idk man. also did u see that mini johnten moment heehehehee i love them as much as i love jaeyong and yutae ;) and lastly!!! im kinda building a playlist for this fic!!! i really want to share it with you guys soon!!! ok thats all!!! comments and kudos are always welcome!
> 
> ps about the things theyre majoring in uhhh pls dont mind me


	4. Chapter 4

The café where Yuta worked at was at its busiest hour of the day. All seats were filled with either office workers taking a break from the paper work or students cramming whatever requirement they have yet to pass. Though he had been working for more than a month already, Yuta was not still particularly used to the flood of customers during times like this. Doyoung was nice enough to take on the beverages while Yuta would be the one to reheat the snacks and call out customers for claiming of the orders. Although the two of them bicker with each other more often than not, their chemistry while working was something the café manager found fascinating.

As soon as the microwave’s timer went back to ‘0:00,’ Yuta immediately took the paper bag with the customer’s name labeled by their cashier. Absentmindedly, he put the piece of banana muffin inside, rushing towards the pickup bar to call the buyer of their best-seller.

“One banana muffin for…Taeyong…” he called out, the last part almost becoming like a whisper. It’s been exactly three days since that forlorn event took place and Yuta didn’t expect to encounter Taeyong too soon. He figured out that he’d be needing more time before he could muster the courage to talk to Taeyong properly (especially regarding the shitty soulmate bond), but of course, it’s not like the universe would actually listen to his wants.

Yuta scanned the café for the customer, eventually spotting him coming from a far end. His eyes followed every movement of Taeyong. Goodness, was he really beautiful. Yuta grew more nervous as Taeyong inched closer. A smile was immediately drawn on Taeyong’s face at the realization that Yuta was the one to give him his order. Yuta didn’t know if Taeyong was just being kind or he was really happy to see the barista once again.

“Hello, Yuta.” Taeyong’s smile got even brighter the moment he arrived at the pickup bar. “Are you feeling better now?” Yuta just stared blankly at Taeyong, his arms acting on their own and giving the paper bag to the boy in front of him. The uneasiness was evident in Yuta’s face and the smile on Taeyong’s face was superseded by a questioning look. “Yuta? You okay?”

“Y-yeah,” Yuta managed to blurt out, feeling a bit lost in the moment. “Enjoy your muffin. Have to get back to work now.” He didn’t even let Taeyong reply, hastily going over to Doyoung to help with the other orders, after all, he did become a little idle the moment he realized that Taeyong was the one who bought the muffin. There must have been tons of items waiting to be heated and sent out.

Yuta seemed nice, Taeyong thought. He wanted to return the enthusiasm Yuta had when they first formally met. Taeyong wanted to set it right in a way, knowing that things didn’t turn out as planned during the night when he came over to Ten and Yuta’s apartment. It was the least that he could do after not being much of a help during the time when Yuta collapsed on the floor due to some pain in his system.

Taeyong just shrugged what has happened off, acknowledging the fact that he was indeed distracting Yuta from work. He was positive that he’d get other chances of talking to Yuta, anyway.

-

The opportunity came faster this time as Taeyong saw Yuta in the library the next day, studying alone in one corner. Yuta was occupying a round table with one vacant seat in front of him. Taeyong took a look around and figured out that this was a good timing, considering that all other seats visible to him were already occupied by other students. Smiling, he walked towards Yuta, who was currently rummaging through his things in his bag, curse words coming out of his mouth after every second or two.

“Is someone sitting here?” Taeyong asked, interrupting Yuta from his mini scavenger hunt. “I can’t seem to find a place to sit on other than this chair.”

Yuta ogled at Taeyong for a good five seconds, wondering how the hell they crossed paths again. ‘Stupid bond, stupid fate,’ he thought to himself before faking a smile, hands still going through the things in his bag. “Uh, no one,” he answered. “Well actually, I was about to leave. You can take the whole table.”

Taeyong threw him a questioning look as he placed his bag on the floor, getting ready to sit down on the chair. To Taeyong, it didn’t look like Yuta was getting ready to leave. Books were still all over the wooden expanse, a large notebook had a paragraph with an unfinished sentence in it, and scribbles were on a scratch paper, the ink not being apparent in all parts of the lines drawn. To Taeyong, it appeared more like Yuta was just searching for a writing material.

Which was the obvious truth, by the way.

Yuta swore to himself for the umpteenth time that day, discerning that his lying skills need a little polishing. He stood up as he started to gather his things before dumping them into his bag all at once. Taeyong almost flinched at the action, concerned with the lack of order in the other boy’s bag.

“I-I have a writing class in fifteen minutes and my other pen decided to be a bitch,” Yuta explained as he hoped that he could save himself from the current situation. “I’ll see you around, Taeyong.” Yuta turned around, preparing himself to leave the library, a plethora of places where he could cram his homework was already flooding his mind, but he decided to just head to the kiosks near his next class – the true one – which was a major. Yuta figured out that he would be able to find a pen randomly on the floor of some random corridor (it happened to him most of the time). However, before he could even move a single inch from his current position, his right wrist was caught by Taeyong. He looked at the hand on him in panic, eventually sighing in relief as he noticed that the cover he put on the tattoo on his skin was not smudged.

“What about your pen?” Taeyong inquired, a sheepish smile eventually being painted on his lips, hand still holding on to Yuta’s wrist.

Yuta’s heart was fluttering and he was scared that it would burst with joy any moment from now. Taeyong’s hand was soft and warm and cozy and the sensation of his wrist being held by Taeyong’s delicate hands was one of the best feelings he had ever experienced. Yuta felt his wrist stinging, leading him to jump back into reality.

“Uh, can you let go of my wrist first?”

“I’m sorry!” Taeyong said in panic, realizing that he did hold Yuta’s wrist for quite a long time. He rushed back to his bag, pulling out a pen from his case.

“You don’t really have to.”

“It’s cool. I always carry spare ones in case things like this one happen, you know.”

Yuta reluctantly took the pen from Taeyong’s hand, sighing in defeat and hoping that this would be the last encounter for the week, or month, or if possible, for the rest of their lifetimes. “Thanks. I-I’ll get going now.”

“Bye! See you around, Yuta!”

Truth to be told, Yuta didn’t know why a part of him was acting the way it did towards Taeyong. He knew that all the lying was not necessary and Taeyong didn’t even mean harm. He didn’t plan any of those and it was more like he was acting out of his mind and out of his heart. Maybe a part of him was still bitter about the fact that things were one-sided for him, he guessed before he felt the familiar punch on his midsection, making him flinch (thank goodness the pain wasn’t much of a bitch this time). But one thing was for sure: Yuta knew that he couldn’t keep this act forever. The sudden jolt of happiness when Taeyong grabbed Yuta’s wrist to stop him from leaving explained it all. Yuta loved it and if anything, he actually hated himself for ruining the moment.

Yuta was just another lost soul, drifting between bliss and fear, searching for answers for the questions in his head. He was confused, he was uncertain. He had learned a lot from his second encounter with Taeyong. He just wanted to be careful this time – being reckless was out of the dictionary for now.

-

It was one mundane Saturday afternoon in Yuta and Ten’s apartment. The latter was just scrolling through his Instagram feed while Yuta was lazily switching channels on the television, hoping that a program would catch his attention soon. The two of them knew that times like this one would soon be scarce once they finish their first year in college as the demand of their subjects would soon be higher and heavier and this was the way they wanted to spend their free time – not caring much about their surroundings and just focusing on the moment they were currently in.

“Yuta, you do remember about the movie night in Johnny’s apartment, right?” Ten asked as he double tapped on each post he sees on his feed.

“Yeah…tonight, if I remember it correctly? What time should we be there?”

Ten locked his phone screen and placed the device on the coffee table, finally deciding that he’s no longer interested in whatever the people he follows posted for the past three days.  He scooted closer to Yuta and snatched the remote from his housemate, immediately tuning into Star World in which some dance program was on. Yuta only pouted at Ten.

“Hmmm, around 7? But let’s leave early. I want to buy pizza and chicken on our way there.”

“Sounds cool.”

“And did I tell you already? Taeyong will be there, too.”

Yuta almost dropped his phone at the mention of Taeyong’s name, completely caught in surprise. He gave Ten a worried look, chest heaving slower and slower. He felt a little lightheaded as he leaned on the back rest of their couch. The light atmosphere was soon saturated with worry – it felt heavy that it almost seemed like breathing was something hard to do.

“Are you still not ready to see him?” Ten returned the uneasy look at his housemate, placing his right hand on Yuta’s. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I can tell Johnny that we can’t make it---”

“’We’?”

“I mean, I can’t leave you alone here, can I?” Ten smiled, wanting to ease the anxiety in Yuta.

“You don’t have to do that, Ten…I mean,” Yuta paused, searching for the right words to tell his friend, “we actually encountered each other twice earlier this week…” Ten only gave him a curious look, signaling him to continue. “…and well, the pain only kicked in once and that’s when I lied to him about having to rush to my next class.”

“Why did you lie to Taeyong?”

“Because until now, I still find it unfair,” Yuta answered truthfully, a frown tugging on the corners of his lips. “I know that it’s not Taeyong’s fault, but the thought of our situation still hurts me…”

Ten didn’t even need to hear Yuta’s whole explanation. The expression written on his housemate’s face was enough for him to know the level of perplexity in Yuta’s mind and heart. “It’s okay. I understand. I guess you need more time?”

Yuta only nodded. Ten had always been the kindest to Yuta, always forbearing, always choosing the right words to say. Yuta’s heart was more than thankful and elated to have him as a housemate and friend.

“I can tell Johnny that you’re not feeling well and that I can’t leave you alone. Sounds good?”

“No, definitely no,” Yuta protested, eyebrows furrowing. “You don’t really have to stay with me. I’m not a child anymore, Ten.”

“But---”

“No more but’s! Geez, really. I can’t believe that you’re mothering me most of the time when I’m older and taller---”

“---you don’t really have to pull the height card. That’s completely unnecessary, you know! I get it already!”

“Good, now that’s settled, promise me that you guys won’t watch any Ghibli movies tonight.”

-

Things went on and on like this for the next couple of days. Taeyong and Yuta would always cross paths; Taeyong would always be in his friendliest self while Yuta would always be the hesitant, awkward one. It was like a cycle, the two of them caught up in a circle. They see each other, Yuta tries to escape the situation by whatever means (a part of him was screaming that he shouldn’t, that this was fate bringing them together, but Yuta was a stubborn man), Yuta experiences the physical pain.

There was this one time in which they bumped into each other in the grocery store. Taeyong just finished paying for his items when he saw Yuta struggling to lift four bags that seemed like they weighed more than they looked like. He didn’t hesitate to come over, extending a helping hand to the Japanese boy. Yuta only laughed nervously and explained that he had Ten’s car with him so there was no need to help him. Taeyong insisted that he should at least help Yuta carry the bags over to where the car was parked, but Yuta was firm on his decision as he gathered all the remaining strength in his body and lifted everything at once, ignoring the uncomfortable contraction of his arm muscles. Taeyong just sighed in defeat, following Yuta quietly, but making sure there was a good amount of distance between them as it really seemed like Yuta didn’t like the idea of making things easier for himself. Yuta almost tripped, feeling lucky that his reflexes were good enough to save him from further embarrassment. Meanwhile, Taeyong almost had a heart attack.

Yuta had always wished that he didn’t have to do this. Not a single part of Taeyong screamed trouble. Yuta couldn’t even understand how he kept on managing to dodge the bullet, albeit barely. He chose to keep the fact that his knees grow weak whenever he meets the soft look on Taeyong’s eyes. He chose to not tell a single soul about how euphoric it feels whenever Taeyong would just appear out of nowhere and offer aid. Yuta chose to go through the hard way and he was clearly aware of the price to pay every now and then.

Taeyong , on the other hand, tried to see the good in everything, though. He attempted so many times to not perceive this as avoidance and rather just held on the speculation that maybe his timing was not right. That maybe some other time, he’d get the chance to become a little closer to Yuta, that maybe some other time, their friendship would progress like how his and Ten’s (the two would often find themselves watching movies together while Johnny played games on his mobile phone).

Taeyong tried, he really did. He already seemed like a broken record whenever he repeated the phrase, ‘maybe some other day,’ to himself whenever Yuta just exits the scene. He believed that his assumptions were right, but Ten proved him otherwise and boy, did Taeyong wish that he didn’t hear those words from Ten’s honest (and slightly careless) mouth.

It all happened when Ten only had an afternoon class for the day, but decided to join Taeyong and Johnny for lunch.

Ten just arrived and being his normal self, he greeted Taeyong with a wide smile and Johnny with a kiss on the cheek (it’s either the two tend to become too R-18 or too sweet and cute and full of fluff – there was nothing really in between – and that day so happened that the soulmates were in the mood for the latter).

Taeyong was about to dig in, mouth almost watering at the sight of his bulgogi burger. However his actions were interrupted by the sight of Ten holding a familiar pen he thought he’d never get to see again.

“Yuta told me that this has been with him for days already,” Ten explained before handing Taeyong the pen. “He asked me to return it to you. My housemate finally decided to buy some school supplies, you see.”

Taeyong chuckled, taking the pen from Ten’s hand. “I lent this to him the other day. I happened to see him in the library then his pen was not writing and he had to rush to his writing class. It feels good to be a hero every once in a while,” Taeyong joked.

“Writing class? But Yuta isn’t taking one this semester.” Confusion was written all over Ten’s face and it took him a good three seconds to realize what happened days ago between Taeyong and Yuta and he wanted to slap himself for failing to filter his words.

Taeyong fell quiet as things started to hit him, his food once again long forgotten. He felt like he was on the brink of collapse as every single escape Yuta did for the past days finally made sense to him.

-

It was already past 7 in the evening when Taeyong arrived at his apartment complex. He had to stay in the library to look for a book that he’d use in his research paper. The breeze was starting to get colder and Taeyong could only rub his arms in order to provide himself enough heat as he climbed up the final flight of stairs that he’d have to.  It didn’t take long for Taeyong to beat the freezing weather, though. Upon reaching the corridor, he saw the silhouette of a tall man standing in front of his apartment door, attention focused on the moon. And all of a sudden, warmth replaced everything inside his body. It was as if the moon started radiating the heat only the sun could. Taeyong was reminded of summer in the middle of a cold November night.

It’s been quite some time now since the day he walked out on Jaehyun (and Winwin) and the two didn’t exactly meet after that incident, nor did they exchange text messages and whatnot.

“Jaehyun,” Taeyong called out, disturbing the little moment of serenity of his best friend. “What brings you here? You didn’t text me that you’d come over.”

Jaehyun immediately turned around, his soft smile traced on his face, as if he already knew that Taeyong would say those words the moment he sees him (he actually did). “Am I allowed not to see you? And about giving you notice about this visit…well let’s just say that I’ve been wanting to do this for some time now and I really intended to text you, but I thought that you’d be up for a surprise so…surprise!” he explained sheepishly.

Taeyong didn’t utter a single word and just opened the door to his house before entering and Jaehyun followed after him like a puppy. Jaehyun made himself at home as he waited for Taeyong to finish changing into more comfortable clothing. Soon enough, the two found themselves in the living room, two mugs of hot chocolate in front of them. The silence was really comfortable at first and the both of them really enjoyed it, basking in each other’s presence just like the good old days. The nostalgia felt so good, flashbacks of how simpler their lives were back then surged their minds.

“Okay, really Jaehyun. What brings you here?” Taeyong asked, breaking the quietude, still not convinced that Jaehyun came there for no apparent reason. “I mean, if you need help in whatever subject---”

“Hey! I know that you’re smart, but I’m currently doing well in my subjects, for your information!” Jaehyun pouted, puffing his cheeks in the process, and Taeyong tried his best to control himself from biting the fuzzball in front of him. “…and uhm, I came here to ask you something…”

Taeyong grew nervous, his heart rate increasing exponentially. His expression stiffened as he nodded, gesturing for Jaehyun to go on.

“How are you?”

“…how are you? Like how am I?” Taeyong asked, dumbfounded by the question. “Is this for real?”

“Taeyong, we haven’t been talking properly for the past weeks and I know that I shouldn’t be too clingy, but this just doesn’t feel right, you know? So I’m making the first step. I don’t want us to drift further apart. You're my best friend, after all.”

Taeyong wanted to explode after Jaehyun’s mini spiel. He also wanted to melt into a puddle. Either of the two would fine. The butterflies in his stomach were raging again as he remembered one of the reasons why he just kept on falling deeper and deeper in love with his best friend despite knowing that in the universe that they were in, it was a sin. Jaehyun had always been one of the sweetest people in Taeyong’s life. The way Jaehyun valued every single thing – whether big or small – had always fascinated Taeyong. Jaehyun had that much kindness in his heart – it was as if Jaehyun had a whole chamber filled with gentleness. Jaehyun was the type to throw tenderness like confetti.

“I’m fine…doing well with studies, I guess,” Taeyong chuckled awkwardly as he tried to compose himself.

“…and? That’s all? You just studied?”

“Well, I got closer to Ten and Johnny.”

“Ten ? As in the dancer?”

Taeyong nodded.

“Shit, that’s cool.”

Taeyong nodded again.

“Anyway, that’s it?”

Taeyong shook his head, heaving a deep sigh afterwards. He organized his thoughts, knowing that he could trust Jaehyun with the next thing he was about to say. “Well Ten has a housemate. His name is Yuta. I met him weeks ago. We often run into each other everyday, I’m not even kidding---”

“Is he, like, your soulmate?” Jaehyun asked, mixture of anticipation and nervousness was evident in his tone.

Taeyong almost choked in his own saliva when Jaehyun threw the query. He just shook his head, ignoring the pang in his chest. Although he was extremely bothered by Jaehyun’s question, Taeyong would be lying if he says that he’s not hurt by Yuta’s actions.

“Okay go on then,” Jaehyun quickly added.

“Well, I really tried to be friendly. But I guess, he’s not really open to the idea of me being his friend…”

“…then stop trying? I mean, you’re just making him uncomfortable and your efforts are being put to waste…” Jaehyun easily said, tilting his head to the side, surprised at how eager Taeyong sounded.

“But Jae, there’s really something that just draws me to Yuta. It may sound weird, but I just feel as if being close to him is the right thing to do. I mean, I would have really given up usually, but I can’t. I keep on trying and I fail afterwards, but I still try again. I-I don’t understand this, too, you know?”

“Then don’t rush things? Maybe the friendship would come naturally without you trying too hard. Just be patient.”

The pain Taeyong was trying to suppress for minutes now was already demanding to be felt heavily. Patient – that was the perfect adjective that described Taeyong for years during the time when he waited for his name to appear on Jaehyun’s wrist; that was the perfect adjective that would have fit Taeyong now if only Jaehyun didn’t meet Winwin (oh goodness, did Taeyong feel so guilty for thinking about this; he could only pray silently to the heavens to forgive him).

“Yeah of course, I should be patient…yeah, patience…that’s a virtue.” Taeyong absentmindedly spoke and Jaehyun smiled before taking a sip of his hot chocolate. He had always loved how Taeyong prepared the drink – not too sweet and also very, very rich. “…uh what about you, how are you?”

Taeyong felt like he should return the question even though he didn’t really want to ask. He knew what Jaehyun would answer and he was well-aware that he’d hurt. Of course, he’d want to learn about the things Jaehyun was doing recently, although he knew that most of those would include Winwin. If only he could filter the words coming out of Jaehyun’s mouth, he would.

For the rest of the night, Taeyong tried his best not to pay attention to whatever Jaehyun was saying and focused on how pleasant it was to see a happy Jaehyun. It was nice to see how Jaehyun’s eyes form tiny crescents whenever he smiles at a memory; it was nice to hear Jaehyun’s low-pitched laugh whenever he recalls something funny; it was nice seeing Jaehyun for the first time in weeks. Taeyong was too happy that he could actually bear the pain. He felt his heart swelling at the thought of how naturally everything came back falling into their places the moment Jaehyun asked him ‘how are you?’

Taeyong didn’t know until when these pieces would stay in their rightful positions, but he could care less. The moment was too beautiful, too precious that Taeyong stopped worrying about tomorrow, wanting it to stay in its blurry state for the mean time. He had Jaehyun now and that’s the only important thing.

Little did Taeyong know that Jaehyun felt the same, if not, probably happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I made this chapter a bit lighter compared to the previous ones because........i just thought that.........it would be nice........to take it easy on the angst........yeah. Also!!! Updates will be slow starting from now on since school will start next week ((whispers i have weekend classes)). I HOPE YOU GUYS STILL ENJOYED THIS EVEN IF NOTHING MUCH HAPPENED HERE AAAAHH DONT HATE ME okbye


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the fall semester passed by like a blur; things went on like the usual: Taeyong and Johhny finding themselves being with each other due to the demand of their classes (sometimes Ten would also be present, which was a really a help since he was good in translating almost everything into layman’s term), Jaehyun from time to time finding himself in Taeyong’s apartment to talk about whatever he wanted to – from the most mundane events to his deepest thoughts – and Taeyong would enjoy it, even though there was pain to feel  in almost every story with Winwin that Jaehyun shared, and lastly, Yuta still avoiding Taeyong like his whole life depended on it and Taeyong would just try his best to not show the hurt every avoidance had given him.

The winter break seemed so short and it felt like it was as if only yesterday when Taeyong just finished his last final exam, and now, he found himself in front of his apartment complex, bidding farewell to his parents and watching the image of their car appear smaller and smaller as the distance between them grew greater and greater. Taeyong would miss the chilly mornings he’d wake up to, his mother’s cooking waiting for him on the dining table. Taeyong would miss the carols he carefully listened to on the radio as he and his father bathed in the warmth brought to them by their fireplace. Taeyong would definitely miss all the spoiling his older sister had done to him, buying every single thing he wanted (he promised himself that he’d pamper his sister once he gets a stable job). Winter break seemed so short, but Taeyong didn’t regret how he spent his days with his family.

And then there he was, a night away from starting another semester. He could only hope for a fresh start.

-

Taeyong’s first class was a literature course which he chose to take in order to save his sanity, thinking that being drown in the science and engineering subjects would be too much for him. Taeyong was not the biggest reader out there, but he figured out that maybe this course would lead him to improve that trait of his. After all, the room was always huge enough to accommodate new learning.

Five minutes after Taeyong’s arrival, the professor, Dr. Lee, entered the room, immediately handing out copies of the syllabus. Without wasting another second, Dr. Lee started discussing the course objectives, outline and requirements. Taeyong would be lying if he’d say that he was not shaken by the speed of his professor’s mouth. It’s only been ten minutes into the class, yet they were already on the second to the last page of the syllabus (it had a total of ten) and Taeyong’s hand was racing against Dr. Lee’s words, making sure that he was able to note the important things not stated in the syllabus.

By the time they were discussing the class policies, a slightly loud noise caused by the door of the classroom opening interrupted the class, a panting man had his hands on his knees, hair wet with sweat – or maybe that was water, maybe he just got out of the shower, Taeyong thought, giving the person the benefit of the doubt.

“…sorry I’m late, sir,” was the first words that came out of the latecomer’s mouth. “I was not familiar with the Literature Department so I got lost on my way here.”

Dr. Lee gestured him to take a seat on the second row, mentioning something about trying to do a little research on areas one is unfamiliar with in order to avoid incidents like this one to occur again.

To Taeyong’s surprise, the late classmate was no other than Yuta. His whole body stiffened as he tried to lower his head, waiting for Yuta to settle down on his seat. He realized that he’d need Yuta to know about his presence in the class as soon as possible so that the latter would already give dropping the course – or maybe just transferring to a different class – a thought as Taeyong assumed that Yuta still disliked him (to the extent of actually giving the class up).

It took Dr. Lee a total of fifteen minutes to finish discussing whatever was written on the syllabus, groans being elicited from the mouths of students (Yuta being one of them, not caring about the propinquity between him and the professor) as the amount of readings for the whole semester exceeded their expectations. However, people who were done with the said course had always recommend other students to take Dr. Lee’s class, saying that everything will be worth it in the end due to the amount of learning that they would be able to take in.

“As said earlier, I wouldn’t give a final exam, but I would require you to submit a final project by the end of semester, to be done by pair. I’ll give the pair assignments after our midterm exams. I would like to remind everyone of this again since this would make up the bulk of your grade.” Dr. Lee took one last look at his class of 30 people before putting his own copy of the syllabus inside his file case. “Once again, refer to our class timeline in order to keep track of what readings should be done. That’s it for today; see you next Thursday.”

The students started standing up after the words of dismissal. Some were already running out while others were taking their time in fixing their things. Taeyong was frozen on his chair, still hesitating to let Yuta know about his presence. He didn’t know how to approach his classmate given their situation, flashbacks of what happened during the previous semester flooding his mind.

Taeyong tried to call for the Japanese boy, but the name came out as a whisper, lack of courage sucking up Taeyong’s strength. It didn’t take long for Yuta to finally leave the classroom, making Taeyong miss the chance presented to him that period.

Well, there’s always a next time, Taeyong told himself as he stood up before heading to his next class.

-

Taeyong didn’t expect Thursday to come too fast, feeling as though Wednesday didn’t happen at all. It came by like at soft morning breeze and he only wished that it lasted a little longer, still anxious about letting his presence during class known to Yuta. It made his insides twist and heart beat in a very fast and uncomfortable way.

Yuta came in seconds before Dr. Lee did. He was still holding a bundle of paper, stray writings all over it. Taeyong was seated five rows away from Yuta, yet he easily figured out that Yuta crammed the whole reading, probably just hours before the actual class.

Dr. Lee didn’t waste any time that was allotted for the class, immediately proceeding to the lecture about the literary piece that was scheduled for discussion that day. Taeyong was fascinated by how his professor was able to dissect each part carefully with utmost understanding. He took note of every single detail Dr. Lee was giving, not caring if it seemed important or not. Taeyong wanted his notebook to be filled with all the knowledge his professor had to offer. The Arts and Humanities were definitely fields that made life more fun, beautiful, and meaningful, he thought to himself.

Yuta, on the other hand, was already asking himself why he decided to take the class. He had to finish a plate that was due later in the afternoon, but he found himself stuck in a literature class, not amused with the information being fed. The stinging sensation on his wrist didn’t help the situation, either. The feeling was also present during the previous meeting. Yuta knew that the tingling was there because Taeyong was nearby and he guessed that Taeyong was his classmate. He didn’t dare to look for the owner of the name tattooed on his wrist, though, terrified of whatever that might happen next. Yuta tried to ignore it by thinking about how to cram his plate in just two hours (he still didn’t get why his professor decided to give a hard-ass plate during the first week of classes), but his emotions didn’t exactly follow his plan.

The truth was, throughout the winter break, Taeyong was ever present in Yuta’s mind. He often found himself thinking about Taeyong, stalking his social media accounts and whatnot. Yuta felt guilty for lying and avoiding the innocent boy and he wanted to do something about it, but despite being a straightforward person, Yuta couldn’t bring himself to accept the friendship being offered by Taeyong during the previous semester even if he was already dying to.

For the rest of the period, Taeyong found himself stuck inside a different world brought by Dr. Lee, completely immersed in the text he read. Meanwhile, Yuta took whatever he managed to hear by face value, not even bothering to delve a little deeper – not even just a little bit.

The class soon came to an end, much to Taeyong’s dismay and much to Yuta’s relief. It was only the third day of classes, yet Taeyong already knew what his favorite subject for the semester was. Taeyong wouldn’t even deny that he completely forgot about his dilemma about Yuta until he saw the latter rushing out of the classroom. Taeyong mentally face palmed himself for about five times, muttering how stupid and forgetful he was, and was only stopped by Johnny’s voice calling his name.

“I’m sorry. I got a little comfortable inside,” Taeyong explained the moment he met with his coursemate outside the classroom, getting ready to go to their next class.

“Thinking about changing majors?” Johnny joked, remembering how Taeyong looked like when he was reading the material assigned when they were supposed to be doing the one-item homework given to them as a warm-up exercise.

“Probably…”

Johnny’s expression was soon filled with surprise (and maybe a dash of dread), not expecting the answer from Taeyong as he recalled how passionate his friend was whenever they studied whatever Science subjects they took last semester. “Dude, you know you can’t leave me, right? You’re not serious, are you?” the taller asked, completely missing out the sarcasm in Taeyong’s reply.

“If it means that I wouldn’t be stuck with you, then I’d give Literature a shot.”

“You little shit. I still don’t understand why Ten sees you like a sweetheart. Obviously you’re not.”

“Ten sees everything as one, though,” Taeyong chuckled. “Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if his house would suddenly be filled with cats and dogs that were once homeless.”

-

Taeyong found the heaviness of the semester quite amazing as he was studying for two midterm exams for the following day. He didn’t expect that time would also slip out of his hands just like that, like a silky fabric running along his palms. He had the day to attend classes and the night to do all the requirements and study. It became his routine already, Johnny (and Ten) and Jaehyun sometimes being a part of it. He didn’t mind the company, though, especially Jaehyun’s.

His study break was almost over, he noticed. Taeyong quickly got up from bed and went straight to his study table and started looking for his notes in Literature. Jaehyun, who was currently sitting on the bedroom floor, turned his attention towards Taeyong, a pout forming on his lips.

“What?” Taeyong giggled as he pulled out his notebook, getting ready to sit down on his chair.

“You’re studying again?”

“I told you that I have two exams tomorrow, didn’t I?”

Jaehyun sighed in defeat, knowing that he couldn’t do much about the studious nature of his best friend. “Yeah, but I bet you’ll still do great in your Literature exam even if you don’t review your notes that much. I mean, you’re always on those books and readings during your free time. Clearly you devote more time on that subject than you actually should---”

“During my free time? How did you---” Taeyong was not really denying that fact, but he was surprised that Jaehyun knew considering that the two don’t really see each other during school hours.

“Passed by you a couple of times in the library. Winwin loves studying there so I often tag along,” Jaehyun started clarifying, Taeyong’s chest getting heavier at the mention of Winwin’s name. “Always wanted to approach you, but I somehow feel guilty at the thought of disturbing you. It was like you were in a different place, did you know that?”

Taeyong forced a smile, putting his notes down, thinking that maybe a tiny chat wouldn’t affect his test score that much. “Johnny said something similar to that the other day.”

“Because it’s true, Taeyongie,” Jaehyun smiled. “I’ve never seen someone as passionate as you. We’ve been together for years and you have always stayed the same when it comes to putting effort.”

Taeyong felt lightheaded at the sudden compliment. The thing about Jaehyun was that he spouts the right compliments during the best times, like beautiful poetry meant to be shared. He was never shy about it and it was a good trait since he (unknowingly) becomes a motivator and Taeyong had always been thankful for that.

-

“Ten! Can you help me with this?” Yuta didn’t even bother to knock, panicking as he entered Ten’s room. He then noticed notebooks scattered on his housemate’s study desk, an opened text book lying on Ten’s bed. Guilt suddenly rushed throughout Yuta, realizing how insensitive he was. “Oh wait, you know what? Never mind. You should go back to studying.” They were already in the middle of the semester and Yuta didn’t know how he managed to forget about the fact that everyone was literally experiencing the hell week.

However, Ten was not really the type to refuse to help. Smiling, he stood up from his chair and walked over to Yuta even before his housemate could leave his room. He was aware of the fact that Yuta has been struggling with Literature for some quite time now. He had always tried to help his housemate in the best way he can.

“I was about to take a study break,” Ten explained as he took the reading from Yuta’s hand. For the past weeks, he noticed that his housemate was the type to write questions about things that he didn’t understand on the material itself, sometimes highlighting the specific part as well. Ten’s sight ghosted over the paper on his hand as he looked for the highlighted parts. It took him around two minutes before finally speaking up. “I’m sorry, Yuta. I don’t really understand this as well.” Ten’s frown was mimicked by Yuta’s mouth, though Yuta knew that Ten was not one to blame. It was clearly his fault for not asking help from his professor in the first place. “Do you know any classmate of yours that you can contact regarding this? Maybe they have notes or something.”

Yuta huffed, leaning his back on the cold bedroom wall. “I’m always late and I always leave early to cram plates, so no, I don’t. I actually don’t know anyone from the class… I mean, there’s Taeyong, but we don’t exactly talk…”

“Do you want me to ask him? I don’t think he’d mind.”

The well-known expression of restlessness became evident in Yuta’s exterior, heart trembling at Ten’s suggestion. Ten’s frown had only gotten worse as he finally discerned that Yuta was not exactly comfortable with the suggestion. It was an honest mistake, Yuta knew. Ten was just trying his best to help him.

“I’m so---I didn’t mean to---”

Yuta just smiled, placing a hand on the top of Ten’s head. He actually loved doing that to Ten. In an unexplainable way, the gesture always make the weight on his shoulders lighter. Maybe it was because seeing Ten pout whenever their height difference is being emphasized is one of the cutest sights on Earth. “I know. It’s fine. You should go back to studying for your own exams. I think I bothered you long enough tonight,” Yuta replied, half-joking at the last part, before turning himself around. “Good luck with your tests tomorrow. Don’t forget to tell Johnny about our night out on Saturday.”

Yuta returned to his room in silence. It took him ten minutes before completely resuming his study session – seven minutes in trying to get rid of the thought of Taeyong off his mind, the remaining three in dealing with the mini pain in the chest tonight and in all honesty, it was an improvement, probably a first – he couldn’t exactly remember, but this time, it felt quite short.

-

Yuta was completely knowledgeable that he didn’t do well in the midterm exam for Literature (though he was sure that he aced his tests in his majors, thank goodness), so he stared at his professor in dread. Dr. Lee took careful strides towards Yuta, each step reverberating throughout the classroom. Everyone else was also quiet, discontent in their test scores resulting to the glum expression on their façade.

“If you exert a little more effort on your remaining papers, I think you can still pass this class, Mr. Nakamoto,” Dr. Lee commented before handing Yuta his answer sheet. “There’s also the final project,” he added before proceeding to the next person.

Yuta’s eyes widened in fright as he finally saw his score.

60.5/100.

He barely passed the midterm exam which makes up 30% of his final grade.

Great.

Yuta wouldn’t deny that he was indeed upset. He took the class because his seniors said so. He needed a raise in his average so that his dad would buy him a car (it was a deal he  flippantly proposed to his father during the winter break, but his dad saw this as an opportunity for Yuta to take his studies a little more seriously – not that Yuta was doing bad, in fact, he was doing really well compared to his performance in high school, but his dad knew that Yuta can still do better because Yuta was a man of potential and he just needs a little nudge here and there).

While Yuta was already contemplating on how to bounce back, Taeyong, on the other side of the classroom, had a smile that reached his ears. He was more than satisfied with his test results. The previous night when he had to stay up until 2 AM in order to deeply understand the figures of the literary pieces paid off.

“I hope that everyone is aware that we still have the final project and a few more papers to go. Do not dwell too much on the scores of your midterm exam because we can’t change the results anymore,” the professor announced, trying his best to make the heavy atmosphere in the classroom a little more bearable. “There will be a fewer readings for the second half of this course since I really want all of you to focus on the final project. Please sit beside your partner after your names are called. Everything is randomized so I would not want to hear any complaints about the pairings. Guidelines will be sent by tonight via email. I will entertain questions regarding the project starting next meeting; if anything is not clear to you, please do not hesitate to ask me. The rest of the period will be allotted for you to get to know your partner better.”

Two by two, Dr. Lee called out names of people. Second after second, people were already transferring seats, trying their best to settle comfortably beside their partners. Yuta felt his stomach tie into a knot while Taeyong felt sweat trickle down the side of his forehead. Both knew that the name of the other was not yet called and their options got fewer and fewer, the possibility of them actually ending up together for this final project only getting higher and higher.

“Lee Taeyong, Nakamoto Yuta.”

Brilliant. What were the odds, right?

Cue in the intense background music. Cue in the horrified expressions. Cue in the silent screams.

The two of them were just glued on their seats for seconds and Dr. Lee was not blind enough to not notice the lack of action. “Well?” The question was obviously directed to the both of them and Taeyong was the one who made the first move, not wanting to irritate their professor.

“H-hey…” Taeyong greeted before taking the spot beside Yuta. “It’s been a while, Yuta.”

“Y-yeah,” Yuta stammered back, gaze switching between Taeyong’s orbs and his test paper on his desk. Breathing suddenly reached a whole new level of difficulty as their hearts’ paces suddenly became irregular.

“So…” the two said in unison, making them shut their mouths at the same time.

“You go first.”

“No, it’s not important. You can go first, Taeyong.”

“No, I bet what I was going to say is of less importance---”

“No---”

“Yuta---”

“Being productive, boys?” a voice interrupted their mini word rally. Dr. Lee had an amused expression in his face, knowing that the two would probably make an interesting combination. He noticed that Taeyong was someone who had a clear and deep understanding of whatever was being taught in class while Yuta was more on the radical side, having his own interpretation on the texts given to them. It amazed Dr. Lee, in all honesty. It was as if Yuta brought a new way of seeing the pieces he gave in class - it was refreshing. The professor was sure that Yuta would have scored more than 80 in the test if only he was able to answer the last four items of the test. “Remember, this is 40% of your final grade. Good luck.”

The class was soon dismissed and the only thing Yuta and Taeyong accomplished was to exchange contact numbers, allowing the awkwardness dominate the whole situation.

“I’ll just contact you after we receive the guidelines. See you around,” Taeyong smiled, attempting to make the mood a lighter. “G-good luck with the plates, too. My best friend told me that they’re getting tougher.”

Although Taeyong was nervous when he wished Yuta good luck, his words were full of sincerity and that fact made Yuta melt on the inside. Yuta just nodded stiffly, and mouthed ‘thanks,’ but he wanted to say more than that – so much more. He wanted to wish Taeyong good luck, too, but he couldn’t bring himself yet, still tight-lipped and tongue tied. It didn’t dawn on him that Taeyong already bid goodbye and stepped outside the classroom. Yuta was too stuck in the moment, although it was a fleeting one. Yuta wouldn’t admit it, but despite the cumbersome mood, he would still want to repeat that moment over and over, wanting to hear Taeyong’s sweet ‘good luck,’ again.

-

“Keep calm!” Jaehyun chortled as he put down his phone.

“Are you really laughing at me? And here I thought that you were my best friend,” Taeyong sighed while he let his body sink deeper into the huge bean bag chair. He was currently in Jaehyun’s room on the very same day of that (unfortunate?) event during Literature. He decided to go straight to his best friend’s house after his last class to rant about what happened to him during Literature. Taeyong also figured out that it would be nice to pay Jaehyun’s mom a visit, realizing that it’s been months since he last saw his best friend’s mother.

“I still am!” the taller one reassured as he settled beside Taeyong. A huge pout was on Taeyong’s lips and Jaehyun swore to the heavens that the other man could really be a child at times. “It’s just that if you only saw the look on your face while telling me about what happened, I promise, you would have reacted the same way I did!”

Taeyong only looked at Jaehyun with a bigger pout.

“Hey, hey, I get it. The situation may be a little hard---”

“A little?!”

“---okay, the situation may be hard for you, but, Taeyongie, would you really let this hinder you to the point of actually compromising your final project? That’s not the Lee Taeyong I know.”

“It’s just that---”

“No more excuses, mister.”

Taeyong sat in silence as he pondered about what Jaehyun told him. A satisfied grin was then drawn by Jaehyun’s lips. He knew that his visitor had finally given his words a thought. He was thankful that Taeyong was not the most stubborn kid on Earth.

Their little moment of silence was intervened by a shout from downstairs. It was Jaehyun’s mom calling them to eat. Jaehyun’s smile got wider as he stood up in no time. He held his arm out to help Taeyong get up, wanting to go to the dining room right away. Jaehyun was never the type to keep food waiting.

Before exiting the bedroom, Jaehyun gave Taeyong a pat on the shoulder, a comforting look was shown by his features.

“You can do it. I just know you can, Taeyongie. You’re right – it’s not easy, but it wouldn’t be as hard as you think if you’d be brave enough. You always have the option to not think about the happenings during the previous semester, you know? You can choose to focus on the fact that he’s your partner for a final project. I know it’s easier said than done, but I know you’ll still give it a try.”

“Right…you’re right,” was all Taeyong could say to Jaehyun as the final piece of advice for the day hit him hard.

Jaehyun was right.

-

The smell of coffee tickled Taeyong’s nose as he entered the familiar coffee shop. Taeyong and Yuta agreed to meet there in order to talk about their final project. They had a lot to discuss especially when they weren’t able to do much during the previous meeting.

They both knew that they couldn’t keep the acts forever, especially now when their grade (and Yuta’s car) depended on it. That evening, Taeyong wore the courage he was able to find like a coat while Yuta had to lower his pride down to his feet.

The café was slightly packed. He arrived fifteen minutes before Yuta’s shift ends, though he didn't really mind coming in early. He went straight to the counter where he saw Yuta squabbling with a co-worker on the side. Taeyong had to clear his throat in order to get their attention.

Yuta glared one last time at Doyoung before heading back to where the register was. He looked at Taeyong in confusion, eyes checking the wall clock quickly before returning his gaze at the groupmate. “My shift ends at 7,” he stated, distinctly remembering that he texted Taeyong the details correctly.

Taeyong chuckled awkwardly, not expecting to get the remark from Yuta. “Uh, can I get one hot Chai Tea Latte? And a banana muffin, too,” he quickly ordered to let Yuta know of his intentions. Yuta’s lips formed an ‘o’ as heat started spreading across his cheeks and earlobes, pretty sure that a faint shade of pink was already coloring his skin.

“That would be---”

“I’m not yet done ordering, though,” Taeyong smiled and it was so gentle that Yuta felt like he was walking on clouds. He had never gotten used to it even though he already saw the view for countless times already (mostly from stealing glances during the previous semester). “Let me buy you a drink and a snack.”

“Excuse me?”

“Let me buy you a drink and a snack,” Taeyong repeated. “You must be pretty tired. It’s the least that I can do after scheduling our meeting after your shift.”

“No need. I agreed to it anyway.” Yuta was already in panic, scared that the faint blush on his cheeks might go a hundred shades darker.

“I insist, Yuta.” Taeyong walked over to Yuta’s co-worker and asked, “what does Yuta usually eat and drink here?”

“He usually goes for the Americano and the chicken sandwich. Weird, I know,” Doyoung answered.

“Thanks.” Taeyong immediately went back to the counter and added the items Doyoung told him, Yuta still looking at him, the barista’s mouth slightly ajar. He then paid and took the receipt before looking for a good place where they could hold the discussion about the project.

Yuta was left in a daze, heart going wild in his chest. He couldn’t believe what just happened. Lee Taeyong, the one who owned the name tattooed on his skin, the one with that angelic smile and eyes as beautiful as the constellations in the night sky, the one who he had been avoiding for the past months, the one who made him feel uneasy and good and everything in between, just bought him coffee and a sandwich. Yuta wanted to scream. He felt giddy as he completely threw away the reason why he had been avoiding Taeyong in the first place. The handful of apologies was already at the tip of his tongue, waiting to be said. He felt guilty as the memories of how desperate he was when it came to avoiding the person in front of him flooded his mind. Yuta wanted to cry and to laugh at himself for being so foolish. Taeyong never meant any harm, Yuta have always known, but it was only on that evening when Yuta finally gave in. Yuta once again felt everything, just like how the emotions became omnipresent during the time when they met for the second time in his apartment. He welcomed these with open arms and a tenacious heart. Everything that he tried to build for the past months melted away, leaving Yuta completely vulnerable (in a good way, he would argue).

The courage that was forcefully hidden for the past months finally came out of the chest. Yuta was once again being presented the chance to set things right between him and Taeyong, and this time, he wouldn’t waste it. He wouldn’t let his pride create higher walls. This time, Yuta was strong enough, wise enough.

He didn’t exactly know how it happened just like that, so sudden, so unexpected, but he didn’t really care anymore.

-

Taeyong was taking a sip of his drink when Yuta finally arrived, a contrite smile on his face. He took longer than expected since he had gotten into another argument with Doyoung before officially ending his shift.

“I-I’m sorry for keeping you waiting. Doyoung and I kinda bickered with each other again,” Yuta explained before sitting on the chair situated in front of Taeyong. “We’re usually like that.”

It was already raining outside and the sound of the raindrops hitting the glass windows of the café filled in for the words both were still holding back. Yuta knew that he had to lighten up the atmosphere between them, and Taeyong, on the other hand, was reflecting on his actions earlier. He didn’t know why he suddenly acted so bold in front of the groupmate – it was as if his body had a mind of its own. Sure, he had Jaehyun’s words in his mind, but he never really expected himself to do those, thinking that he would just really try his best to be civil and professional. Taeyong didn’t really mind at first since despite everything that happened for the past months, he still wanted to be friends with Yuta, however, the thing was that he didn’t know how to act and what to say after, finally succumbing to the reality of how awkward the two of them actually were. He only wished for the audacity earlier to take over him again.

Taeyong found himself staring at Yuta and it was too late when he realized that he was doing so. Yuta placed his drink on the wooden table, tilting to the side his head afterwards.

“Are you okay?” Yuta asked, wondering if Taeyong was feeling well. “Do you want to start now so that we can end as early as possible?”

Taeyong snapped out of his thoughts. “Y-yeah. I’m fine. It’s just that your smile…it was the same smile that I saw when we first met,” Taeyong sniggered, pressing his lips together after realizing what he just said. Yuta felt his cheeks heating up again. “I-I’m sorry! That was not necessary! Anyway let’s start---”

“I’m surprised you still remember. It’s been months already,” Yuta cut off. It was true. Yuta was caught off guard for a second or two, absolutely not expecting to hear that from his groupmate.  Taeyong seemed like a very reserved person to Yuta. Although Yuta was not exactly wrong since Taeyong was usually the type to inspect his words before deciding whether or not they should leave his mouth, but Taeyong had been forbearing too many questions, too many things to say to Yuta. The moment they were currently in was the first comfortable one for the both of them – no lies, no avoidance, hesitation kept to the minimum. It was as if a magic spell was casted upon them and all the tension was driven away. It was tremendous.

“I know. Our first two meetings didn’t exactly go too well.”

Flashbacks from that horrible day played in the back of Yuta’s mind, but that evening, Yuta was sure that he was braver and better. He threw the thoughts aside and focused on the present. He didn’t let his tragic situation overwhelm him this time.

At the moment, he was having a very casual conversation with Taeyong over coffee and tea latte. It was not raining too hard and soft jazz music was playing in the coffee shop. The seats were comfortable and the smile on Taeyong’s face was everything.

 _This_. This was the instance that he had to focus on.

“We can start over?” he suggested, eyes full of hope, head full of new possibilities, fresh beginnings, and better chances.

Though Taeyong didn't see it coming, he couldn’t be any happier at the proposition as he held out his right hand to Yuta, reminiscing how enthusiastic Yuta was when they met for the second time around. Yuta’s gaze instinctively traveled to Taeyong’s and for some reason, he was able to suppress the pain attempting to be felt. Maybe it was because the second his skin touched Taeyong’s, Yuta felt like he was floating on air. He suddenly didn’t care if the sun sets or if the moon fades. This moment was short, yet beautiful. This moment was the mark of a new beginning. Starting over again felt so right and Yuta knew that if he’d look back to this day in the future, no regrets would be felt.

“I’m Lee Taeyong.”

“Nakamoto Yuta. Nice to meet you.”

Normally, Yuta would find the act really lame and unnecessary, but not this time. It’s okay to be a little kinder and appreciative sometimes, he reminded himself.

Tenderness and elation filled Taeyong’s eyes at the brief re-introduction. All the apprehension ceased to exist as little by little, the bridge between him and Yuta was finally becoming real. Unknowingly, a tear escaped Taeyong’s eye. Yuta suddenly felt alarmed as the droplet made its way down Taeyong’s cheek.

“A-are you really okay? Y-youre crying!” Yuta stuttered, immediately handing the piece of tissue to Taeyong.

“I’m fine!” Taeyong reassured, taking the tissue from Yuta’s hand. “It’s just that, all this time, I thought you hated me. No offense! It’s just that---”

This time, Yuta was the one who really needed to cry. He shook his head profusely and met Taeyong’s eyes. “None taken, don’t worry. I was awkward back then and I’m sorry for that. I do not hate you, Taeyong.”

“Good. Great. Thank goodness. It’s a relief…a huge one.”

And that was the truth and nothing but the truth. He could never hate Taeyong. Yuta was just scared, but that very moment gave him everything he needed to overcome the fear. There’s no longer sorrow, no longer pain; exhilaration took their place. It was like seeing the beautiful colors of twilight, was like hearing the wonderful melody of the birds in a perfect morning, was like watching a flower bloom into the quiet of the night. Yuta was floating slowly and gently away from reality, but the tiny burning sensation on his wrist kept his feet on the ground.

That was when Nakamoto Yuta learned that the first stage of falling felt like soaring freely across the sky, no shackles to hold his body down. And Yuta didn’t really need to have wings – he just knew and he was just sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I would really like to say sorry if ever you have noticed the occasional changes in the tone of this chapter. I wrote this little by little so my mood kinda differed as each part was being written (school started two weeks ago and I honestly didn't expect the academic load to be /this/ heavy right away so I didn't really have the time to do this in one go; I just wrote whenever I needed a break from all the solving and shit). And also, I apologize if ever I've answered your questions vaguely (or if I didn't answer them at all in my replies). I'm just scared that I might actually be giving out spoilers and I'm not quite sure if you guys would actually like that. Anyway, I still hope that you guys enjoyed this! Comments and kudos are always welcome! AND LASTLY, LET'S SUPPORT NCT DREAM'S COMEBACK!!! dkwjnwskjNJKFDN IM STILL NOT OVER EVERYONE BASICALLY (ESPECIALLY /SLAMS FIST ON THE TABLE/ JENO!!! OH MY GOSH) AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH ok bye take care everyone see u in the next chapter!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys are interested, here's a link to the [playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/user/herabianx/playlist/2J4CixLo71wK6OjGX4Qupf) I've mentioned earlier!

Taeyong felt as if a whole new world just unraveled right before his eyes the moment he officially became friends with Yuta. Taeyong was rarely clumsy with words, but he could really tell that the new addition to his friend list brings sunshine to lives he touches. It’s only been exactly a week since that incident in the café happened, but it was as though a whole lifetime’s burden was finally lifted from Lee Taeyong’s shoulders. It felt really, really, really nice.

Yuta, on the other hand, started to see things in a different light. All the anger and disappointment were driven away and only fondness of Taeyong. Seven days…it’s only been seven days since he let go of his pride and Yuta felt as new as the spring flowers.

At the moment, the two just finished discussing the timeline Taeyong proposed so that they’d finish their project in time before the actual exam week starts. Yuta was amazed by the leadership of his partner as everything felt so natural – the initiative, the plans, and the proposed mechanism for management. Ten texted minutes before they wrapped things up, saying that he and Johnny bought pizza and wings, asking Taeyong to stay for dinner. The guest was delighted, of course. Who refuses to invitations like this one?

“I still can’t believe that you’ve never considered taking up Literature,” Yuta commented as he put away the notebook he took out just so that Taeyong would think that he’s been paying attention to class for the past two meetings (in Yuta’s defense, he’d say that it’s because he’s currently being overwhelmed by the demand of his professors in his majors to the point that he’d actually put Literature behind despite the fact that he’d need a good grade in this subject as well).

“My performance in this general elective can’t be a basis of measuring my ‘potential’,” Taeyong started, making quotation marks with his fingers, “as a Literature major.”

Yuta sighed. That has always been Taeyong’s answer whenever he threw that remark to the groupmate (he’s done it over ten times already for the past week). He wondered if Taeyong has always been that humble despite being so full of potential and raw talent.

Both of them then sat in comfortable silence, Taeyong reading a magazine he grabbed from the coffee table while Yuta played with his gaming console. For the past days, they have always talk about whatever came into their minds. Yuta was usually the one to bring up topics and surprisingly, Taeyong would find these interesting. Yuta even guessed that if people were to look at how easily the two of them get along now – without knowing their little history, of course – they may be mistaken to be childhood friends, souls already familiar with each other’s presence.

Normally, Yuta would have reacted negatively to this thought, but it’s different now. For some reason, the sun was brighter, the breeze was warmer, the trees were greener – basically everything became a little more beautiful than it was before.

Their solitude came to an end as soon as Ten’s voice was heard from the other side of the apartment’s front door. Instinctively, Taeyong got up to see if he could offer a helping hand to the kind host, Yuta following him, eyes still glued on the screen of his console.

A blinding smile greeted the two as soon as Taeyong opened the door, the sight of Ten showcasing his pearly whites and Johnny holding two boxes of pizza and an extra plastic bag which Taeyong guessed contained the chicken Ten mentioned. Yuta immediately put aside his game as soon as he smelled the aroma of the soy garlic-flavored wings. He gladly helped Johnny carry everything to the dining table while Ten and Taeyong prepared the beverages. The smile on Ten’s face was still there, obviously happy about the fact that the two were already friends. It was a relief, a really huge one. Gone were the days wherein he’d see Yuta’s smile faltering at the mention of Taeyong and gone were the nights wherein he’d hear lies from his housemate, claiming that everything’s okay, that he’s not really in pain. It’s only been a week since that very fortunate reintroduction, but Ten had already noticed the change in Yuta’s overall mood.

Maybe ‘happy’ was actually an understatement, who knows.

-

It was quite unusual for Taeyong to not focus on what has to be done, but he couldn’t stop himself from grabbing his phone from the side every time it lights up, replying to whoever he was currently talking to. Yuta didn’t really have a huge problem with it, though. They were almost done annotating pages of the reading, anyway.

When Yuta finally finished, he put down the bundle of papers and scooted a little closer to Taeyong. “You’re awfully smiley today,” he teased, but he actually didn’t mind the sudden beams here and there. Taeyong’s warm smile made Yuta’s heart want to jump in glee. Not to mention the soft giggles here and there sounded like a beautiful composition.

Taeyong immediately put down his phone and continued writing the last sentence on the yellow sticky note. Yuta watched him rush, sight of panic evident in the partner. Yuta felt quite sorry for surprising Taeyong like that, but he couldn’t help but become curious on why his partner was acting like this.

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong huffed as he organized all the papers on the table. “I was talking to my best friend. He just ranted about how some random stranger almost spilled hot coffee on his plate.”

“Plate? Like the plates that I have?” Yuta knew that he had so much to learn about Taeyong. He couldn’t just really rely on mere observation since there were other things about Taeyong aside from the quirks and habits that Yuta happens to perceive every time they’re together.

“Ah, yes. He’s taking up Architecture, too. Jung Yoonoh? Jaehyun? Does it ring a bell?”

“He’s your best friend?!” Yuta asked in shock. Taeyong just nodded, confusion written all over his face, not sure why Yuta was so surprised to know this. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to exclaim that much…it’s just, wow. He’s Mr. Popular, you know? Loved by men and women, young and old.”

“I get what you’re saying,” Taeyong chuckled, remembering how much everyone was so fond of Jaehyun back in elementary and high school. Some things never change, he thought to himself. “He’s got the beauty, the brains, and the heart.”

“Won’t argue with that. I’ve become classmates with him in one major – I doubt he knows me, though – but the dude really excels.” Yuta was still in awe. Of course the universe would just put two perfect guys together and let them build one strong friendship. Thinking about them felt like a wonderful dream – too beautiful to exist in this world, Yuta mused.

“There were times in high school that he’d tell me that he’s struggling in Math, but there was a time when he actually got a higher score than I did,” Taeyong shared, reminiscing the memory as if it was just yesterday when it happened. “He always finds a way out. Anyway, I should introduce you to him when I get the chance.”

There was a little delay in Yuta’s response. Things started to get a little hazy for him. “That sounds…cool.” For some reason, the last part of Yuta’s remark came a little softer. He didn’t mean to. It was just as though the energy in him was starting to leave his body. He felt a little lightheaded and Taeyong noticed that very sudden change in Yuta’s tone.

“Are you okay?” Taeyong immediately asked. One second, Yuta was so enthusiastic, so full of life, but now, Taeyong doubt that Yuta could hear him clearly. The Japanese boy had his eyes shut, fists clenched. Yuta was clearly in pain. “D-do you want me to call an ambulance? Yuta? A-are you with me?”

“Y-yes, I’m with you.” It took Yuta seconds to respond, the pain not letting him speak a word easily. He started to tremble, worried about the fact that Taeyong was just in front of him. He didn’t know exactly what triggered the pain, but he was sure that it was connected to the soulmate bond – the pain was so unique that Yuta could easily categorize it. There were times that he could bear it and act as if nothing happened, but there were also times like this one: times in which he’d be so helpless. “I’m sorry for that. I might have exercised a little too much. This might be some muscle pain,” he lied. “No need to call an ambulance or go to the hospital, but if it’s all right, can we call it a day? I think I just need to rest.” There was a small smile on Yuta’s lips, but it was not enough to cover the pain. If others were to see him, they’d immediately know that there’s something wrong.

Taeyong didn’t hesitate to comply. He immediately called Ten, hoping that Yuta’s housemate was free at the moment since transporting Yuta back home in a car would be easier. The sight of Yuta in pain made Taeyong’s heart ache. He didn’t like it and he didn’t want to see Yuta in this state ever again. Taeyong couldn’t pinpoint the reason why, but he felt like his bond with Yuta was so strong that even though they’ve only been friends recently, seeing Yuta in pain affected him so much. At the moment, Yuta was fragile – one light touch could easily shatter him – and Taeyong didn’t want anything – not even the softest wind – to graze Yuta in his vulnerable state.

“Taeyong, you should go. It’s getting darker. I’ll wait for Ten here.”

“You expect me to leave you in this situation?” Taeyong deadpanned. “Yuta, even though you’re just a new friend, it doesn’t mean that I should care less about you. I’ll stay here and don’t you dare think that you’re wasting my time because you’re not, okay? I’ll stay here with you and we’ll wait for Ten.”

Yuta didn’t know if the pain was slowly going away or it was just the pleasure and comfort brought by hearing those words come from Taeyong’s mouth. Nonetheless, it made him feel better.

-

It was quite late into the night when Taeyong had gotten home. The moment he stepped into his living room, chills were sent down to his spine. It wasn’t the wind, nor was it any external force. The feeling was coming from the inside, but Taeyong couldn’t exactly classify what it was. There was apprehension and excitement. His heart was beating so fast as if it wanted to break free from his ribcage.

The doorbell rang, which of course, surprised Taeyong. He took a quick glance on his wall clock. It was already past 9 o’clock in the evening and having a guest was the least that he could expect at that hour. His instincts told him to be careful, but he didn’t understand why. Taeyong took slow steps towards his front door, hands shaking as soon as he was about to turn the knob.

Jaehyun’s towering figure welcomed him. A small smile was already on the best friend’s lips, his dimples showing themselves on the corners of his mouth. The smile was awfully familiar, Taeyong thought. He knew that he has seen the smile before, but he was also sure that it wasn’t just Jaehyun’s everyday smile.

“Good evening,” Jaehyun greeted.

Taeyong nodded, acknowledging his best friend, still feeling uneasy – which was weird since normally, Jaehyun’s presence brings him ease.

“I was about to make something to eat. Want anything specific?” Taeyong asked. Jaehyun just shook his head. It was odd for his best friend to not request anything. Something was definitely off, but at the moment, Taeyong’s growling stomach was his priority. He’d ask what’s up with Jaehyun after he fills his stomach.

During the course of Taeyong’s meal preparation, Jaehyun just sat quietly in the living room. The TV was turned on, but it was obvious that Jaehyun’s attention was somewhere else. He was too deep into his thoughts. And so Taeyong hurried. He didn’t mind the crumbs that fell on the floor, nor the unclean dishes in the sink. He could clean those later. He’s got a full stomach already, so it was time to listen to whatever Jaehyun had to say. Taeyong hated seeing Jaehyun like this.

“Hey, what’s up?” Taeyong softly started as he sat down beside his guest. He reached for the remote control and turned the TV off. Taeyong felt like Jaehyun wanted to talk about a serious matter and distractions were not welcome to the conversation. “You’re too quiet, Jaehyun.”

“Taeyong.”

“Jaehyun.”

“Taeyong…I---” There was something holding Jaehyun’s words back. He couldn’t meet Taeyong’s eyes. His voice was wavering, hands were trembling.

Taeyong placed a hand on Jaehyun’s shaking ones, a comforting squeeze following the action. Jaehyun finally locked eye contact with his best friend and Taeyong took the opportunity to mouth the words, ‘it will be okay.’ Jaehyun took a deep breath and reminded himself that he could trust Taeyong with anything and everything. That was one of the best things about having Lee Taeyong as a friend.

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun repeated for the third time that night, but this time, he was braver.

“Jaehyun.”

“I think I’m in love.”

“What?” Taeyong refused to acknowledge what he just heard. He might be really tired, he might be hearing things – it was a draining day of lectures and labs, after all.

“Taeyong, I think I’m in love.” Jaehyun’s milky white skin was colored with a shade of pink, his hands still shaking.

“W-with Winwin?” Taeyong didn’t know why he bothered asking. He knew it was meant to happen – it was already written in the book of fate. But acceptance was never easy. It tasted like that bitter cough medicine Taeyong once took when he was a child – his body didn’t want to take it in.

“Yes.”

The three-letter word crushed Taeyong’s heart into pieces. The moment Winwin walked into Jaehyun’s life, Taeyong already knew that Jaehyun will never be his, but he had a stubborn heart. It never listened; it never gave up. It kept on beating for Jaehyun and Jaehyun only. All the tragic poems started to make sense to Taeyong. He just wanted to vanish.

“Isn’t it too soon?” he asked, voice breaking in the process. It took him a good amount of courage to say that.

“I know, right? That’s why I’m so anxious. W-what if he doesn’t return these feelings? But Taeyong, I can’t help it. Winwin...Sicheng…he makes me happy…so happy,” the tension in Jaehyun’s muscles soon sublimed as he became more relaxed. Taeyong guessed that Jaehyun’s last sentence led him to thoughts about Winwin. “I-I didn’t know what to do the moment I realized that he’s all I ever wanted. This isn’t just some kind of infatuation anymore.”

‘And you’re all I ever wanted,’ Taeyong pondered, though he immediately dismissed the thought as soon as he perceived that this was not the time for that.

For a good three minutes or so, the two were silent, albeit they were not restful. Jaehyun was still drowning in anxiety while Taeyong was taking in every blow on his abdomen and every dagger being pierced into his chest. Taeyong was already on the verge of tears and breaking down, but he told himself – begged himself – to cooperate and hold everything in for a little longer.

“Jaehyun, you were able to wait for him to step into your life. I think waiting for him to fall in love with you wouldn’t take as long as that. Who knows? He might be feeling the same already, he might have realized it earlier than you did,” Taeyong managed to say, hoping that everything will just end already. He needed to call this a night as soon as possible.

“Y-you think so? Sh-should I confess? Even though being in love is a serious matter already?”

Taeyong wanted to say no. He wanted Jaehyun to know that this is all too much for him to take in all at once, but Taeyong saw the look on Jaehyun’s eyes when he professed his love for Winwin to him, remembered the days when he was with them and recalled the way Jaehyun looked at Winwin, prompted the scenes wherein Jaehyun’s face would just light up at the mention of his soulmate’s name. Once or twice, he considered the possibility that it must be love, however he also realized that things couldn’t happen too soon, but now everything’s confirmed: it was love, it was really love.

“Yes, yes you should.”

Taeyong fell in love with a boy who painted him the skies and drew oceans closer – he was on the verge of drowning – and the boy’s name was Jaehyun. He made Taeyong eat honey and milk and salt with a bitter aftertaste. Taeyong wrote poems and sang songs in a dead language Jaehyun did not know of. Jaehyun crafted Taeyong wings and taught him how to fly, but failed to warn that the sun could harm him. Just like Icarus, Taeyong, blinded by curiosity and its beauty, went too close to the sun and just like Icarus, Taeyong fell into the sea, but still fell deeper in love with the boy who first made his heart dance to a majestic tune.

However, Jaehyun fell in love with another and unknowingly left Taeyong ruined, bones broken and a clump of muscles torn into pieces – it was once Taeyong’s heart.

This was their story.

-

Yuta was not exactly a bookworm, but the smell of books had always entice him. He annotated enthusiastically, knowing that they were about to finish the information gathering part of their project. Taeyong, on the other hand, was just frozen on his spot. He hasn’t been himself ever since that very unfortunate night happened. It’s been so many days already. Johnny, Ten, Yuta, and the rest of his friends were aware of the sudden change in his behavior and worried would probably be an understatement if people were to describe what his colleagues were feeling.

Students were starting to leave the library. It was already 8 o’clock in the evening and the sound of thunder and flashes of lightning were becoming distractions to those who wanted to study in peace. Rain was starting to pour pretty hard as well. Yuta started stacking up the books, getting ready to return them to their respective shelves.

He just received his paycheck the other day and thought about grabbing dinner with Taeyong, hoping that a free meal would cheer his partner up. For so many times during the past few days, Yuta had always want to ask Taeyong what was bothering him. Yuta’s heart ached at the idea of Taeyong hurting, crumbled at the thought that he couldn’t do much about it since he was hesitating, concerned about the boundaries in their new friendship.

However, just when he was on the way back to their table, Yuta saw Taeyong running out. The librarian on duty scolded Taeyong for the unnecessary noise made, but it didn’t stop him from leaving the library without an apology. As silent as possible, Yuta jogged to their table, immediately grabbing his things, along with Taeyong’s bag. He needed to catch up with Taeyong. It was already raining cats and dogs and Taeyong didn’t have an umbrella with him.

“Uhm excuse me, I think you forgot your phone,” a student from the adjacent table said.

It was Taeyong’s.

“Thank you,” he quickly replied as he grabbed it. The screen kept on lighting up and Yuta instinctively averted his gaze on the device. There were messages from Jaehyun.

‘You still there?’

‘He told me he loves me, too.’

‘I’m so happy!!! Taeyongie!!!’

‘BTW, just a random thought. You think we can go on double dates when you finally meet your soulmate?’

Yuta found himself in a pool of hurt and confusion, but he knew that he needed to find Taeyong first. The heartache could be dealt with later, he thought as he tried to fight the tears attempting to stream down his face.

Not that far from the library building, Yuta saw Taeyong figure walking under the rain. Taeyong’s movements were slow, almost lifeless. He tried calling his partner’s name, but it was no use – Taeyong’s thoughts were somewhere else. The rain was only getting stronger and so Yuta brought out his umbrella and charged into the downpour. When he was close enough, without hesitation, he immediately grabbed Taeyong’s right wrist to stop the boy from his movements and pulled him under the shield from the pouring rain.

“Lee Taeyong! What on Earth is happening to you?!” Yuta shouted, hoping that Taeyong could hear him despite the heavy rainfall. “Do you want to get sick?!” Anger was the one who first made it out of Yuta’s mouth and Yuta immediately regretted the words that he just said as soon as Taeyong finally faced him.  Yuta saw a broken man right in front of him. It was as if he was reading all the tragic stories in the world in one fell swoop. His heart ached even more.

“I-I-I’m sorry,” Taeyong stuttered. His lips were trembling, vision still blurry from all the tears and rain. The actions he just did finally dawned on him. “I’m sorry.” Taeyong was still sobbing and Yuta just watched him. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, not knowing what else to say. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to---”

Yuta already heard enough of the apologies and left all the worries behind before pulling Taeyong into an embrace. Taeyong didn’t push him away and melted into the warmth of Yuta’s arms in an instant. The war inside Taeyong was put to a pause as the final batch of tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Let’s get some proper shelter now,” Yuta muttered, breaking the embrace. He figured out that the umbrella was not exactly doing its job in shielding them from the water. Yuta felt the ever-familiar punch on his abdomen and tried his best to suppress it. He didn’t want to complicate the situation even more. Taeyong was his number one priority at the moment.

It seemed like the rain wouldn’t stop any time soon. Normally nights like this one brings comfort to Yuta, but that evening felt painfully different.

-

Taeyong was still in a trance when they got to Yuta’s apartment. Yuta immediately changed his shirt and returned to the living room with a set of dry clothes and a towel for Taeyong. He sat beside his guest and started drying Taeyong’s hair. He did it as quick as possible, noticing that Taeyong was already shivering.

“Taeyong, you should change your clothes,” the host said as he gave Taeyong a shirt and a pair of shorts.

Taeyong didn’t utter a single word and moved as if he was a robot. He was emotionless and it didn’t make Yuta feel better. Yuta headed to the kitchen, figuring out that he should probably make some hot beverage of the both of them. He rummaged through the cupboards and saw Ten’s instant hot chocolate drink. That would suffice, Yuta thought.

“Y-yuta?” A small voice came from behind as Yuta was preparing the hot water. Taeyong had already changed his clothes, holding his wet ones with his right hand. Yuta plastered a smile and took the wet pieces of clothing from his guest and went to the laundry area to dump them into the machine. When Yuta returned to the kitchen, Taeyong was already sitting on one of the bar stools. Soon enough, Yuta had already prepared the drinks. He sat in front of Taeyong and looked at his guest with sorry eyes. Guilt was still rushing through his veins.

“Sorry about earlier.” Yuta was the first one to break the silence between them before taking a sip of his drink. “I was just worried – I still am, actually. Everyone is.”

“I’m so---”

“No, don’t be – well at least to me. You’ve said your apologies a while ago. But Taeyong, I just want you to know that we’re always here for you,” the Japanese boy reminded as he looked at Taeyong with loving eyes. “We all go through shitty times.” He tried to force a smile, hoping that the atmosphere between them could lighten up.

“Thank you,” Taeyong whispered, but it was loud enough for Yuta to hear. “For the past few days…well…I---” Taeyong was trying his best to come up with the words to say, but his vocabulary was betraying him. He fell silent.

“It’s because of Jaehyun, right?” Yuta was normally a straightforward person, especially with people he’s comfortable with. What he just said took Taeyong aback, a questioning face served as a reply to his inquiry. Yuta pointed towards Taeyong’s right wrist, heart shattering in the process. Although the concealer was still there, the layer was already thin and one could readily see the tattoo saying, ‘Yoonoh.’ It was enough for Yuta to confirm his speculations. He took a quick glance at his right wrist and thank goodness that the cosmetic was still doing its job. He was able to stay under the umbrella for the longest time, after all. Taeyong’s cover was probably washed away due to the heavy downpour. “Jung Yoonoh is his full name, right?” Yuta’s voice cracked, not expecting it to hurt so much. It was one fucked up situation. There was a storm raging inside of Yuta. He was angry; he was on the brink of tears. He didn’t deserve this, neither did Taeyong. “You’re in love with him?”

Yuta hated himself for asking that. He didn’t want to know the answer, but his tongue was on fire due to the fuel that was kindled by vexation. He wanted to look away and cover his ears, but Taeyong already nodded, tears escaping his eyes once again. The punches were soon sent to Yuta’s abdomen.

The chocolate drinks were soon forgotten as the two sat in stillness. Taeyong was just looking down, still sobbing, while Yuta fixed his gaze on him. Yuta wanted to apologize for yet again hurting the owner of the name tattooed on his wrist. He felt bullets shoot right through him as flashbacks of what happened earlier played in his mind. He stood up from his seat and went to Taeyong’s side. He pulled Taeyong into one tight embrace for the second time around that night.

That’s when Taeyong finally went all out. No more holding back; no more barriers. Despite the pain, Yuta’s warmth comforted him. Even though their friendship was just relatively new, he felt that he could trust Yuta. The cries rolled out of Taeyong’s tongue freely, pain resounding in every single syllable.

“I’ve loved him ever since,” Taeyong started explaining. “I thought that one day, my name would appear on his wrist. And now, he’s already in love with his soulmate…who’s not me. Yuta, it hurts.”

“Yes, I know. I’m sorry.” Yuta’s clutch got tighter as the stinging sensation landed on his wrist. “Your secret is safe with me. You don’t have to worry about anything. You can trust me, Taeyong.” Yuta meant it. There was conviction in his voice and in his eyes.

And so Taeyong did. He cried his heart out. He didn’t need to say a word and Yuta didn’t need to hear one. Yuta knew and understood.

The rainy night soon turned into a quiet one, gentleness filling the atmosphere and the rage inside Taeyong calmed down along with it. Yuta’s muscles started relaxing the moment he met eyes with Taeyong. The person right in front of him was a reflection all this time. There were scars and wounds painted all over their bodies, but time heals everything, or so Yuta hoped. They were both manifestations of sad love songs, mirrors of sorrowful prose, and victims of fate and its colorful promises.

Yuta fell in love with someone who fell in love with another. Lee Taeyong and Nakamoto Yuta were two fresh souls whose destinies were intertwined, but just couldn’t be – not on this page, at least. They were beautiful, celestial, even, but not all orbits share the same plane instantly. People said that finding your soulmate would feel like walking into a beautiful flower garden, but the one Taeyong and Yuta found was just a desert full of thorns. It was written in the stories that they’d see the sunset in a more beautiful horizon, but all Taeyong and Yuta witnessed was twilight in the middle of the day.

It was a silent affliction, one that people failed to tell other souls about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOSH YES I AM STILL ALIVE. It's been quite long since my last update, yes? I've been very busy so yeah :(. There were so many things that happened in this chapter and I apologize if ever you guys found everything quite fast-paced, but I really hope that everyone still enjoyed this update aaaaahhhh. I'm kinda having a hard time writing again, it sO SAD. 
> 
> Anyway, if you guys want, you can follow me on [Twitter](http://twitter.com/yutadotjp). I think it would be really cool if I'd be able to talk to you guys more! Recently I've been really active there, so yeah! See you around!
> 
> AND LASTLY!!! THANK YOU ALL FOR THE KIND COMMENTS AAAAHHH <3 HONESTLY MY HEART IS SO HAPPY WHENEVER I READ THEM IM SO SORRY IF I DON'T GET TO REPLY RIGHT AWAY OR IF I DON'T REPLY AT ALL SINCE IDK WHAT TO SAY I JUST REALLY WANT TO THANK YOU GUYS BUT ISTG IF EVER I FIND MYSELF LESS BUSY IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS, I'LL TRY TO REPLY TO THEM INDIVIDUALLY!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fair warning: there will be a part where yuta and taeyong would exchange text messages please bear with the format i chose to use dnjkdsnsfjk

Yuta lazily made his way to the kitchen as he scratched this head, a yawn escaping from his lips. It was already past 11 AM when he woke up, yet he still felt as though all that sleep he had weren’t enough to help him get through the day. Saturday mornings weren’t supposed to feel like this, but finals week was just less than a month away and requirements were piling up already. Yuta hated it.

“Morning,” he greeted his housemate who was sitting on the bar stool, pens and papers laid in front of him and a cup of coffee in his hand. “You’re awfully busy, too, huh?”

“Yeah. Johnny will be coming over later, so I need to get these done so that we could focus on Math later. Wanna to join?” Ten asked before taking a sip of his coffee.

“Taeyong and I will be finalizing our project for Literature later. We’ll stay in my room, don’t worry. Last week we did it in his apartment, so I thought it’s my turn to become hospitable. I hope you don’t mind.”

Ten’s face lit up at the thought of them having dinner together. Yuta gave him a questioning look, not getting why he was suddenly smiling. Ten just shook his head and mouthed, ‘don’t mind me.’ Yuta shrugged it off before finally deciding to prepare himself a cup of coffee. He thought he’d need a good amount of caffeine to get his body pumping with the will to just finish everything.

The aroma of the coffee wafted through the kitchen as Yuta sighed. He felt excited at the thought of having Taeyong over, but at the same time there was this tinge of anxiety in his heart. As the days they were spending together increased in number, Yuta’s heart grew fonder of Taeyong. Meanwhile, days wherein they were apart only made Yuta long for Taeyong even more. These emotions made Yuta terrified of what would happen next somehow, but he promised himself that he won’t run away anymore.

 “Yuta, are you okay?” his housemate’s voice breaking the trance he was in. “You were staring at the counter for minutes now.”

“I’m okay. I’m just figuring how to survive the next couple of weeks with all these homework and tests piling up.”

-

The rest of the day passed by swiftly. With all the things to be done, everyone became numb to the feeling of time slipping out of their hands, concentration focused solely on the task to be accomplished. It was around 8 PM when the housemates and their guests decided to pause and have dinner. Ten and Johnny was almost done reviewing the coverage of the test while Yuta and Taeyong were about to start proofreading their output. Everyone was satisfied with their progress and thought that maybe they could all use a long break.

The sound of Taeyong’s phone vibrations rang in the ears of everyone in the dining room. It had been like that for a while and every now and then, Taeyong would sneak his hand into his pocket to reject the phone call.

“Why won’t you answer it?” Johnny asked, an eyebrow raised as his suspicions only grew. “It seems like it’s important.”

Yuta and Ten didn’t say anything, but in their minds, they agreed with the tallest one. Taeyong wasn’t entirely focused on the dinner conversation they were having as soon as the first vibration was heard. And so, with a sigh of defeat, Taeyong mouthed, ‘excuse me,’ and headed to the living room for a little space.

Taeyong’s phone vibrated in his hand, the screen showing an incoming call from his best friend. His heart ached as he looked away, plopping himself on the couch. He stared blankly at the white ceiling of Yuta and Ten’s apartment, incoherent thoughts flooding his mind. He remained like that until the phone stopped vibrating. Taeyong looked at the screen for one last time that night. There were 6 missed calls and 14 unread messages – all from Jaehyun. He then turned his phone off and stuffed it back to his pocket and returned to the dining room, plastering a small smile before returning to his seat.

He remained silent and let the noise from Yuta’s and Ten’s mouths swallow him whole.

Johnny sat still as he played with what was left on his plate, from time to time glancing over Taeyong, who was too deep into his thoughts. Oh, how he wished that he could do something about the pain his friend was going through. It was still unknown to him, the exact story behind all the heavy sighs and fake smiles, but it didn’t matter. Johnny was worried as fuck and he wished that he could do something to heal Taeyong. It was too painful to watch.

-

Johnny’s eyes landed on the wall clock situated above the TV. It was already way past midnight. The night came flying by so fast and the next thing he knew was that he was already carrying Ten to his bedroom. The shorter one had fallen asleep while Johnny was too busy answering exercises from his textbook. However, despite the mental exhaustion, Johnny still didn’t feel drowsy. He stepped outside Ten’s bedroom and headed towards the couch, thinking that maybe some cartoons would be able to help him sleep.

Just as he was about to get the remote control, Taeyong stepped outside Yuta’s room as he stretched his arms up high in the air.

“You two done with your project?” Johnny asked, which taken Taeyong aback since he didn’t expect to see the coursemate still up. “Oops. Sorry.”

Taeyong just nodded as he made his way to Johnny, sitting comfortably beside his friend. “Yeah. Yuta’s playing with his 3DS inside. He said he can’t sleep.”

“What made you go out, though?”

“I’ve been inside that room for hours. I thought that some scenery change would be nice.”

“So, am I the view you’re looking for?” There was a teasing smile on Johnny’s face, eyebrows wiggling as Taeyong rolled his eyes, a small laugh escaping his lips. The smile on Taeyong’s façade lingered for a few seconds until the two fell silent.

No one spoke for three minutes straight, taking advantage of the peaceful moment they managed to get after the long day. Taeyong could only wish for the following days to be like this, but reality wouldn’t let him have his way – it would never be easy.

“Taeyong.”

“Hm?”

“You’re extremely troubled. You’re doing a bad job in hiding it.” Taeyong didn’t say anything. It was true and anyone could see right through him, including Johnny…especially Johnny. “Listen, you need not to hide it when you’re around us – me, Ten, Yuta, and all your other trusted friends. We know and we completely understand. We’re hurting to see you like this. You don’t have to tell us about it right away – we know you need time – but if the healing would be a lot faster if we could help, then do know that we always have your back.”

“T-Thanks,” Taeyong mumbled, tears threatening to roll down his face. “You’re the kindest, Seo Youngho. I’ll be sleeping now. Good night.”

“No, Lee Taeyong. You are the kindest…to everyone actually,” Johnny sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “To everyone, but yourself. Good night.”

It was already a quarter past 1 AM when two went on separate ways as they entered two different doorways.

Taeyong felt his heart become lighter and the air he breathes became less thick. Johnny was right again.

-

Yuta was still in the middle of his game when Taeyong came into the room. He was still lying on the carpeted floor, pillows scattered here and there. Yuta didn’t even notice Taeyong returning since he was too focused on becoming a Pokemon master. He spent so much on Sun and Moon (and as well as other games) and it would be such a waste to not actually play them.

“It’s almost 1:20 and you’re still trying to get Litten evolve?” Taeyong asked as he sat down on the edge of Yuta’s bed, soon letting gravity and weariness get the best of him as he just allowed his back to fall onto Yuta’s sheets.

Yuta groaned. Taeyong sounded so much like his mom whenever he stayed up late playing with his Xbox. “Just one more level!”

“That can wait.”

“B-but---”

“No more buts, Yuta!” Taeyong sat up immediately to meet his host in the eye. “We worked hard today. We could at least reward ourselves with a good amount of sleep because tomo – I mean later – will be another busy day. Don’t you have plates to do?”

“I get it, I get it. You win, mom,” Yuta sighed as he turn his console off. “You take the bed, I’ll sleep on the floor. I need to establish a good reputation as a host to my guest,” he said jokingly which only made Taeyong raise his eyebrow in confusion. “What?”

“Your bed is a queen-sized one and you expect me to sleep here all by myself? We’re both adults now, Mr. Nakamoto. I see no malice with us sleeping together.” Yuta’s eyes widened as he blushed profusely, heart thumping hardly in his chest. Taeyong soon realized the possible implication of his last sentence and knew that it would be problematic if it was taken out of the context. Shades of pink soon colored Taeyong’s cheeks, too. “Y-you get what I mean by that! I-I don’t have to explain it you!”

His composure finally returning, Yuta took advantage of the flustered Taeyong in front of him. “Really? Please do, Mr. Lee.”

Taeyong rolled his eyes, ignoring Yuta’s request. He lay down comfortably on Yuta’s bed, but still left a space for his classmate. It took Yuta a good ten minutes before climbing up to his bed. He gave himself a small lecture and warning to not get too happy and excited by the fact that he’d be sleeping beside Taeyong. Yuta didn’t think of anything malicious, just pure and innocent joys. His heart was happy at the little stolen moment he got. It was a pleasant feeling, a feeling comparable to receiving countless blessings from celestials. He didn’t know when he’d feel that kind of ecstasy again, but it didn’t really matter to him – at the moment, at least.

-

23:05

From: Yuta

To: Taeyong

taeyong u there?

 

23:07

From: Taeyong

To: Yuta

Yes, what’s up?

 

23:07

From: Yuta

To: Taeyong

remember the exercises u sent me for physics finals? im stuck in #4 D: do u know how to solve

 

23:10

From: Taeyong

To: Yuta

Draw it first and imagine the rod on the x-axis. Apply the formula. Trigonometric substitution makes the integration easier.

 

23:10

From: Yuta

To: Taeyong

tnx!

 

23:11

From: Yuta

To: Taeyong

WHAT THE FUCK DIDNT WE LEARN TRIG SUB LAST SEMESTER :( AM I RIGHT

 

23:12

From: Yuta

To: Taeyong

DFJSKNFKSJL THIS IS SO HARD HOW DID U EVEN I CANT EVEN

 

23:12

From: Yuta

To: Taeyong

OK I GIVE UP :(

 

23:43

From: Taeyong

To: Yuta

Did you arrive with an answer already? Sorry I couldn’t help you a while back, I was doing my paper.

 

23:58

From: Taeyong

To: Yuta

Yuta?

 

00:08

From: Yuta

To: Taeyong

MAN URE THE BEST SLR I LOOKED FOR MY OLD NOTES BTW I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT

 

00:08

From: Taeyong

To: Yuta

Okay, nice. Happy to help :)

 

00:09

From: Yuta

To: Taeyong

hey man will u sleep alr

 

00:09

From: Taeyong

To: Yuta

Can’t. I had too much coffee. What about you?

 

00:10

From: Yuta

To: Taeyong

im not sleepy yet too :( and im hungry wanna go to mcdonalds?

 

00:10

From: Yuta

To: Taeyong

i mean if its ok!!!

 

00:11

From: Taeyong

To: Yuta

Sure! I’ll be in front of your complex in 10.

 

00:12

From: Yuta

To: Taeyong

see u

-

Taeyong’s eyes widened at the food on Yuta’s tray. His friend got a cheese burger, 10-piece chicken nuggets, large orange juice, extra large fries, and a caramel sundae. His gaze then traveled to his tray; he only got a medium-sized fries and a regular-sized iced tea.

“You didn’t eat dinner?” he asked, worried, as he sat down in front of Yuta, still cannot believe the appetite Yuta had.

“I did,” Yuta answered simply as he munched on his burger, his other hand dipping a nugget into the barbeque sauce he requested. “But I stress eat. I’m human. I have coping mechanisms.”

“Right.”

“You should have told me that you weren’t hungry, though. I thought you wanted to come since you’re starving as well. I’d be fine all by myself,” Yuta frowned as he spoke his realization out loud. At this point in time, students should take the opportunity whenever sleep presents itself; clearly Taeyong did not.

Smiling sheepishly at his friend, Taeyong frankly replied, “it’s been days since I last saw you. We’re both busy with our respective majors. Is it weird to say that I actually miss you?” he paused in the middle, thinking of the right words to justify his emotions. “I mean, don’t get me wrong! It’s just that when we were working on our project, we see each other almost every day. Now that we finally passed our output and Literature is done for the sem, it feels foreign to not see you at all!” There was an awkward chuckle that escaped Taeyong’s lips as he realized that he was acting a little too clingy.

Yuta was just a blushing mess, trying his best to come up with words to reply to Taeyong, yet ending up failing as his stupid heart was jumping in glee. He already lectured himself regarding any romantic feelings towards Taeyong, but his heart wouldn’t listen. Taeyong was so pure and real and giving off statements like that one was most probably not new to his tongue. The words rolled out like honey and Yuta was fond of sweet things.

“Y-you’re right, now that I think about it,” he stuttered, his food long forgotten.  It was a lie. Yuta missed Taeyong everyday they were not together.

“Yuta, mind if I ask you something?”

“Hm?”

“How’s Jaehyun doing?”

Tears were threatening to escape Yuta’s eyes, completely not seeing the question coming. He almost forgot that he was caught up in this intricate labyrinth wherein his supposed-to-be-soulmate had someone else’s name written on their wrist.

“I-I don’t really know. We don’t really have the same group of friends from our degree,” Yuta answered honestly, choking on the last syllable of his sentence. He should have known that it would always be like this: tiny, fleeting moments would always result to bigger heartbreaks.

“I see. It’s alright. Sorry for asking. We’re still not talking, you see. I still can’t face him.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. If you want, I can check up on h---”

“You don’t have to.” Taeyong gave his friend a smile, albeit a fake one. “A day will come when I’ll stop worrying about him and life will continue normally. We’re both adults now.”

Yuta still wasn’t convinced. He knew Taeyong was holding back – the tears, the pain – just as he was. He knew they were both craving for love – a love that’s as warm and beautiful as the sunrise; a love that’s as gold as their most precious memory; a love that’s as safe and sound as a rainy day; a love so soft and simple and delicate. Dandelions were believed to make wishes come true, but they only found withering ones to listen to their heartfelt desires. They needed love and they wanted love, but it was a kind of love that they cannot have; it was if they were just waiting in vain.

-

“No! I am not letting you fully transform into the stereotypical couch potato!” Johnny yelled as he used his strength to pull Taeyong from his sofa. “Ten would kill me if you don’t come!”

“I see no problem with that,” Taeyong groaned as he fought the enormous amount of force Johnny was using against him. It was a Friday night and finals week was finally over. Taeyong initially planned to just have his normal movie marathon with a box of pizza and a bag of potato chips on his side. Everything was going according to what he had in mind until Johnny showed up in front of his apartment with a mischievous grin, hence the current situation. “Besides, you and Ten should just enjoy the time you two have. I wouldn’t want to be cockblocking _soulmates_ during their post-finals celebration.”

Johnny rolled his eyes at the lame excuse, knowing that Taeyong’s brain doesn’t really work that way. “Yuta will be there, too, if that would finally convince you to come with us. I told him that you’d come and that made him say yes automatically.”

“You’re lying.”

“Am not.”

“You are.”

“Nope.”

Taeyong sighed and decided to end the rally of words. “Why are you such an asshole, Seo Youngho?”

Johnny only smirked in reply as he realized that he had won this battle. Taeyong, on the other hand, made his way to his bedroom, immediately getting a pair of jeans, a plain white shirt, and a hoodie, his movie night completely left behind.

-

The bar was packed with college students from the nearby campuses. However, despite the differences in school culture, all came for one reason: to celebrate the end of their finals week. All types of socialization were present, from simple conversations about mutual friends to making out. Taeyong would have walked away already if only the DJ wasn’t playing a Beyoncé remix.  Yuta noticed the tapping of Taeyong’s foot and occasional nods of the head. Without thinking twice, Yuta grabbed Taeyong’s hand and dragged him to the dance floor despite the protests from the other party.

“I know you want to!” Yuta yelled as the loud music continued. He started dancing along too, hoping that Taeyong would soon surrender to the dancer inside of him.

Johnny and Ten soon followed them. It didn’t take long until Taeyong unleashed his moves, not letting his friends steal all of the grooves. The night consisted of that and drinking breaks. The four of them took vodka in like water. It was rare for Taeyong to drink alcohol, but he allowed this night to be an exception. Celebrating this way wasn’t too bad, after all – especially when he had three of the best people he’s ever met with him.

-

“Hey, you should stop,” Yuta giggled before having another shot of tequila. He felt the familiar burning touch the moment the alcohol reached his throat. Things were starting to get hazy for him, his mind completely weightless. It’s a sensation he’s been wanting to feel for a while now.

Taeyong already had his fair share of alcohol for the night, though he realized it a little too late and now he was all over the place (read: his emotions), alcohol completely taking over him. “I have quite a small tolerance. One time I was out with high school friends and Jaehyun promised that he wouldn’t drink so that I wouldn’t feel too out of place, but he didn’t keep it. Stupid Jaehyun said he’d be the one to drive us home, but in the end I was the one bringing everyone to their respective houses. I had to come up with good excuses for them when some parents asked me what happened. Stupid Jaehyun got too drunk,” he laughed at the memory, but Yuta noticed the sudden change in his tone. “Stupid Jaehyun…so stupid…falling in love with someone else and hurting me like this…hey, waiter! Give me another shot of tequila!”

Yuta should have seen it coming – people tend to be so fragile when they’re drunk; he should have known. Johnny and Ten were still on the dance floor enjoying themselves. He figured out that the atmosphere in the bar wouldn’t help Taeyong’s current situation. Taeyong kept muttering things, which Yuta chose to ignore for a while, and dragged him to the parking lot despite drunken Taeyong’s objection.

“Why did we go out? It’s so fun in there! I want to keep drinking!” Taeyong was already red and his sentences came in slower. Yuta wanted to take him home already.

“Taeyong, you need to stop,” Yuta simply replied. “You’re drunk.”

“No, no, no! I want to keep drinking. I’m fine! I’m completely fine,” the other insisted as he started to make unstable strides towards the bar, but he was too slow. Yuta immediately caught up with him and pulled him towards the curb and forced Taeyong to sit down. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I should ask you that, Lee Taeyong.”

“I just want to drink, Yuta. No big deal. I’m an adult now.”

“It is a big deal. You’ve already brought up Jaehyun.”

Taeyong tensed up as soon as he heard the name of his best friend from Yuta’s mouth. Yuta was right, he realized. Taeyong’s cheeks were then flooded with tears. The accustomed pain greeted him again like an old friend. Taeyong couldn’t fight it anymore; he gave up.

Yuta was witnessing an oddly familiar scene – he had seen this all before.

“I’m in pain, Yuta. It still hurts. What do I do? Have you experienced this before?”

Even though it was a careless question that came from a drunk person, Yuta still wanted to answer. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to let Taeyong know the truth: that he feels like he’s being shot over and over again whenever he sees Taeyong hurting because of Jaehyun.

“I miss Jaehyun. I want to see him, but I’m not strong enough,” Taeyong cried, leaning the side of his face on Yuta’s shoulder. “Yuta, I’m so broken.”

Yuta thought about what the last sentence conveyed and his mind was then flooded with a plethora of things. Broken meant leaking pipes, shattered glass, fractured bones, dying stars, cracked pavements, and frightened souls. It meant a night sky without stars, an ocean absent of waves, and a record that keeps on repeating the same verse over and over again. Broken meant shouting, ‘I’m in love with you,’ into the void. Broken meant falling from high, high above with nothing to hold on to. Broken meant lost and confused and nowhere to go to. Broken meant Lee Taeyong. Broken meant Nakamoto Yuta.

And with all bravery he could gather, Yuta took Taeyong’s hand into his own, thumb brushing on the part where the concealer was applied on. “Then let me fix you, Taeyong. Allow me,” he whispered with all his might. Yuta wasn’t the one to talk, but he’s selfless. For Taeyong, he’d always be selfless. “Let’s fix ourselves.”

“Can you? Can we?”

“I can if you let me. We can if we let ourselves.”

Taeyong chuckled as he intertwined his fingers with Yuta. “Then go all out,” he smiled with droopy eyes. He was already about to fall asleep, but at the same time he didn’t want to yet. “You can start by holding my hand a little tighter. Your hands feel nice, Yuta.”

However, it didn’t take long until Taeyong finally dozed off. Yuta immediately got a cab and texted Ten that they’d go ahead. Taeyong kept mumbling non-sense on the ride home, which of course, Yuta found entertaining. After the rather heavy conversation, Yuta needed some form of amusement to make his chest lighter. Sleeping drunken Taeyong was doing an awesome job, by the way.

He watched the pretty street lights pass by like a blur, the reflection of his sleeping soulmate casually appearing on the window pane. Taeyong was just so beautiful, Yuta thought to himself as he examined the friend’s visage. It was as if his cheeks were dusted with pink and gold glitter and lips were painted with rubies. Taeyong was fireworks, flower gardens, and sunsets combined. Taeyong’s a living proof of art.

“Why does it have to be him?” Yuta said in a quiet whisper. “Why can’t we stop hurting?” He was crying now, giving zero fucks if the driver was hearing him (it didn’t seem like it since the driver was too focused on the song on the radio).

It was already 4 AM when they reached Yuta’s apartment. It was a struggle, carrying a drunken friend to his room, but he came through. After rehydrating himself (with water), Yuta went back to his bedroom and carefully lay down beside Taeyong, who was probably already too deep in his sleep. Yuta soon heard the door opening, a whining Ten and a laughing Johnny following. It was indeed a long day.

He turned to his side, facing his sleeping friend. Taeyong reeked of alcohol, but there was also the scent of musk – the smell was intoxicating, either way.

“Your hands felt nice, too,” he confessed. “Also, I’m sorry, but I can’t help it anymore. I think I really am falling for you.” For the first and last time that instance, Yuta traced his fingers along the side of Taeyong’s façade. It felt nice as well. “Good night, Lee Taeyong.”

Yuta guessed that if couldn’t love Taeyong under the sun or in the moonlight, then maybe – just maybe – he could love Taeyong in his dreams.

-

(Taeyong forgot everything from the previous night, but Yuta didn’t).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! it's been so long since my last update! i'm really sorry!!! again, thank you very much for all the kind comments, kudos, bookmarks, and subscriptions! you guys make my heart so happy aaaaaaaa. also, this might be a little too early, but HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! really, im so thankful for the support thank you thank you thank you!!!! see u in the next chapter! stay lovely!!! have a nice day/evening!
> 
> edit: i remembered that i actually have a [curiouscat account](https://curiouscat.me/yutaez) lksfsdlfn if u guys want to say/ask something and you're too shy to comment here/dm me on twitter then i you can reach me through that account??? i rarely use it but ill to check on it every once in a while!!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little yutae chapter for u guys

It was summer break and the Lee family was currently in Osaka. They decided that the last day of the vacation would be dedicated to being free from the shackles of the itinerary set by the eldest. Taeyong didn’t hesitate to contact Yuta, wanting to explore places other than those suggested on the Internet. Plus, who wouldn’t want to have an adventure with Nakamoto Yuta? The person was a fun one to begin with.

Yuta was on cloud nine when he heard from Taeyong. It served as an indicator, that his friendship with Taeyong was indeed progressing. There’s trust; there’s the urge of wanting to see each other.

“That was beautiful,” Taeyong commented as soon as he and Yuta got out of the area crowded with people.

The two just finished going through an art exhibit by a local. The paintings of the Osaka landscapes were certainly breathtaking. Taeyong was engulfed by the colors used by the artist and he couldn’t thank Yuta enough for bringing him into such event. He wasn’t much of an artist so pieces like the ones he had seen always amaze him.

It wasn’t Yuta’s first time seeing most of the works of art, though. After all, the artist was his sister’s friend. He just knew that Taeyong would love them and he was glad he’s right. During the course of their tour, Yuta was just staring at Taeyong, observing every piece of detail on him – the way his eyes crinkled whenever he tried to focus on a rather small detail, the way his mouth formed an ‘o’ whenever he understood whatever the artist was conveying through the painting, and so much more. And although Yuta hadn’t seen all of the paintings yet, he still chose to focus on Taeyong. Yuta followed Taeyong’s every movement and listened to his exclamations like a soft berceuse.

“What do you want to do next?” Yuta asked as he took out his phone, just in case they’d need the help of the almighty search engine.

“Hm, I’m a bit hungry. Let’s grab something to eat?”

Yuta’s face lit up after hearing the suggestion. He knew the perfect place.

-

The Japanese boy brought Taeyong to a small family restaurant hidden in a certain residential area. The neighborhood was quiet while the interior of the place was serene. Portraits of the different generation of owners hanging on the wall gave a homey vibe to customers. Yuta knew that Taeyong would absolutely love the ambiance.

“Yuta, this is such a lovely place.” Taeyong beamed as the two of them took their respective seats. All he’s done so far was compliment everything Yuta showed him. Sincerity was written on his words as he had never seen such things in Korea before. He thought that maybe there were places like this one, too, but he’s yet to discover those.

“I know right? My mother used to live in this neighborhood and she was the one who introduced this place to me when I was still in grade school. Isn’t it just comfy?”

Taeyong nodded in agreement before admiring the environment once again.

Their orders arrived within a couple of minutes. Soon, their small table was overflowing with food native to the country. From omelette rice to rice balls– you name it. Taeyong was salivating and the sight made Yuta giggle. Lee Taeyong was the cutest – too bad he wasn’t able to catch the scene on camera.

“It isn’t the first time you’re going to have these, right?” Yuta inquired as he split everything in two. “Pretty sure you’ve eaten some authentic Japanese food back in Korea.”

Taeyong nodded and added, “but this is my first time in Japan and I bet the food here still tastes different.”

“Touché.”

The two soon started gulping down the food. The delicate flavors burst in Taeyong’s mouth and he could only create the cutest sounds to express how extremely scrumptious the meal was. It didn’t take long for the dishes to be cleared out. Yuta didn’t even have to ask Taeyong if he enjoyed the food since it was so evident in the satisfied grin on the latter’s face.

-

The Yuta and Taeyong found themselves sitting under a cherry blossom tree back at the park where the art exhibit was held. They just finished their matcha soft serves and were just observing the passers-by. It was probably the most relaxing activity they’ve done so far that day.

“Yuta,” Taeyong called out.

“Hm?”

“Tell me about your childhood days here.” Taeyong’s tone was more of demanding, but Yuta actually didn’t mind. After all, he rarely talked about his days in Japan to his friends, partly because they were part of his past and Yuta was not a person who liked dwelling in it.

“Well, I think you know this already, but I used to play football. A lot, like a lot,” he chuckled awkwardly, as he tried to think of some memories he’d want to share with Taeyong. “After school, I go to practice. Then go home. Then do homework. Then sleep. Then go to school. Nothing fancy, really. I was just the typical Japanese boy from an average family, you know?”

“Come on! There’s probably something! Even just one pleasant memory? Please?”

Yuta couldn’t resist Taeyong’s puppy eyes. He silently cursed the power of his friend over him. “Well, I guess there’s one.  My dad is a workaholic, you see. So he really rarely bonded with us, but that’s understandable. He wants to provide and give us our wants. Then one weekend, the house was unusually busy the moment I woke up. My mom told me that I should go take a bath already and dress up since we’re going somewhere. I didn’t expect that we’d go to Universal Studios. It wasn’t my first time going there, but it was probably my favorite time visiting the place. This may sound dramatic, but it was the first time in my life when I saw my dad actually enjoying. I guess that he wasn’t thinking of work back then. It was such a nice thing to see, you know? I was so happy for him back then,” he smiled as the memory became more vivid in his mind. Taeyong followed through, nodding every now and then, as if feeling what Yuta experienced that time. “Did I speak too much? I mean, I know it isn’t much, but---”

“What are you talking about? You’re so precious, Yuta!” Taeyong giggled at the soft side of the man in front of him. He watched Yuta’s every single gesture as if it was a dance. He listened to his words like spoken poetry. He loved it whenever Yuta’s face light up. Yuta’s smile was blinding as the sun, but Taeyong didn’t mind since it also made him feel cozy like hot chocolate in a winter morning.

“Don’t you dare tell what you saw to Ten or Johnny…especially Johnny! He’d tease the hell out of me for sure.”

“No worries. You have my word.”

“Good.”

The rest of the day was filled with stories about Yuta’s childhood and Taeyong’s coos here and there. An interesting child, Yuta really was.

-

The sun was already setting when Taeyong’s sister texted him to go back to their accommodation since they booked dinner at an omakase restaurant.

“I’ll walk you to the bus stop,” Yuta said, not wanting to say goodbye just yet.

Taeyong couldn’t be any happier, of course.

The whole walk was silent, but it meant so much to both of them. Yuta would steal glances at Taeyong from time to time. It may be a sin to give meaning to what they’ve done the whole day, but Yuta’s mind was going wild and couldn’t stop thinking about the way Taeyong smiled at him. It may not have any significance to Taeyong, but it was everything to Yuta. Call it a day dream, a piece of fiction, but Yuta’s heart loved it. During the whole day, he felt like his heart was going to explode.

The bus stop was nearing and Yuta just wanted to stop for a minute of two. He didn’t want the moment to end; he didn’t want his day with Taeyong to end.

The silence soon became too quiet and Yuta knew he had to start one last conversation with his friend.

“Taeyong.”

“Yes?”

“This may sound weird, but how are you?” It was a lame and basic question, but Yuta really wanted to know how Taeyong was doing. He didn’t need to know if Taeyong had fun that day since he was sure, so sure that Taeyong did.

“H-how am I?”

“I mean, you know, in general. You always ask me how am I doing and I guess it’s my turn to do the same,” Yuta simply explained.

“Well, I’m fine, really. I’ve been in touch with Johnny and Ten lately. ”

“What about Jaehyun?” It was an impulsive question and Yuta hated himself for yet again failing to filter out his words before coming out of him mouth. He hurriedly say, “I-I’m sorry! You don’t have to answer it!”

It was obvious that Taeyong was surprised by the question, but soon enough, his face relaxed, no sign of hurt at all. He just didn’t expect it to come. “Well, uhm, we’re having the usual small talk.”

“That’s it?”

“I’ve been avoiding him since god knows when and to be honest, I think that it’s for the best. I’m better now, Yuta,” Taeyong smiled. “Of course, from time to time, it’d hurt, but not like before. The abdominal pains, I’ve grown accustomed to them. The ache in my heart is a bit bearable now. Sometimes I miss him, sometimes I don’t. The feeling varies from time to time, but at least I could say that I’m not as stuck as before. Thinking about letting him go still hurts and I need to take baby steps, but it’s okay. I’ll find a way out soon. I always do.”

“Taeyong, I’m so happy for you,” Yuta replied as he stopped in his tracks. “I really am.” Yuta could only wish that he’d be the same. It was a huge improvement. He didn’t want to see this as an opportunity. Despite his feelings for his friend, he was really genuinely happy that little by little, Taeyong’s being fixed. It may also be a glimmer of hope for him – Yuta can also mend himself.

“Me, too, Yuta…me, too,” Taeyong smiled, almost crying because it was true. Yes, the pain was still there, but like he said, he’s better now. He was finally coming up of ways to handle it. Taeyong used to be a catastrophe, a disaster, but now, one could see was a budding flower. He’s going to be more beautiful, more breathtaking. He’d probably grow into a garden of peonies and roses and wildflowers and everyone would love to see that, especially Yuta.

In less than ten minutes, the two have finally reached the bus stop. Taeyong didn’t want Yuta to walk away yet, so he asked his friend if he could stay until the bus arrives, to which Yuta responded happily.

The streets of Osaka were busy as always. Vehicles flooded the roads, people crowded the sidewalks. The scene made Taeyong think that he’s just in Seoul. The presence of Yuta helped spark the thought, too. As odd as it may sound, but it was as if he’s just in his own country, his home, despite being in a foreign land. He felt like his bones and flesh were safe as long as he had Yuta by his side.

“Yuta, thank you for today, really. I would have gotten lost if you didn’t come, I swear. You’re such a blessing.” Taeyong gave a heart-warming smile that just made Yuta melt deep down. “I’ll see you next semester.”

“Do you really have to be so cheesy?” Yuta turned a little to his side as he tried to hide the sudden blood rush. “But you’re welcome.” He soon regained eye contact with Taeyong, hoping that he could speak to him through his eyes. He wanted to convey, ‘I’m so thankful that you wanted my company,’ ‘I also had fun today,’ ‘Lee Taeyong, you’re the blessing. Thank you for making a day supposed to be filled with mundanity a special one, to you, to me, to my heart.’ The last didn’t sound like him; it even irked Yuta deep inside since it was too out of character, but curse Literature class for giving him the ability to construct sentences as such.

However, he meant it – Yuta meant everything. He just wasn’t the best in voicing out sweet words.

The horn of the bus soon caught their attention. It was fast approaching and Taeyong had already said his goodbye. Just when he was about to walk away, Yuta grabbed his right hand, tugging him backward weakly.

It felt like a scene right out of a movie. Taeyong’s hands weren’t as soft and warm as they looked; they were actually a little cold this time, however it was okay since they felt real and that’s what Yuta needed. He realized that it was the second time he was able to hold Taeyong’s hand like that and it felt a little different. He was too caught up in day dreaming for some seconds and Taeyong felt that the bus driver was losing his patience already.

“Yuta?”

“Thank you for this day, Taeyong.”

Taeyong responded by smiling and brushing his thumb over the side of Yuta’s hand. Yuta felt ticklish and warm while giving Taeyong’s hand a light squeeze before letting it go. The two spoke through touch and proved that words would never be enough to describe happiness, gratitude, and affection.

Yuta had never looked forward to the new semester until that moment came. If there was a price to pay for being so full of joy, then so be it. He knew he wouldn’t have the day any other way around.

Unbeknownst to Yuta, Taeyong had also carved the memory in his heart and was already so enthusiastic to spend the new semester with his new set of friends.

That’s when Taeyong grasped that little by little, he and his past were moving farther from each other. Maybe one day, he wouldn’t have to look back anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! how are you guys? i know it's been forever since my last update and to be honest, i'm still having a hard time writing again. this chapter is really short, though i hope you guys don't mind. i tried doing this as a warm up, but i can't seem to find my way back just yet ksjdnfjknf ((i apologize for the huge time skip again. i just really wanted to have a lighter chapter this time since the previous one was just too heavy???)). anyway, i still hope you guys enjoyed this! we all deserve some yutae every now and then, yes? i promise to bring you guys a better update next time! see you in the next chapter!


	9. Chapter 9

The clear October sky above Taeyong made him find it hard to believe that it was already autumn (were they really two months into the season? he started asking himself). The trees around him were already filled with shades of reds, oranges, and some little yellow. He could hear the fallen leaves rustling under his steps as he made his way to Coffee Break, the café where Yuta worked. The cold breeze caressed his exposed skin and made him shiver a little. Taeyong then sighed, realizing that the temperature for the next weeks would be even lower. He didn’t exactly mind the cold before, but after such a warm and pleasant summer break, he suddenly craved for the sunny touch the season brought to him.

The scent of cinnamon and a hint of ginger tickled his nose as soon as he entered the humble coffee shop, warmth finally enveloping him thanks to the heater and amount of people hustling and bustling. Taeyong’s eyes scanned the room and immediately spotted Ten waving enthusiastically at him, as if his friend’s life depended on it. He made his way towards Ten, Johnny soon coming into sight. He greeted the couple with a soft smile before making himself comfortable on the couch opposite to Johnny.

“Yuta’s shift is already done, he’ll join us soon. Are you going to order?” Ten inquired before taking a sip of his white chocolate mocha.

“Yeah. You guys want anything else?” Taeyong asked as he took his wallet from his bag. The two just shook their heads, completely satisfied with the treats they shared with each other earlier. “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

Doyoung was the one who served him his order – a hot chai tea latte and a blueberry scone. They exchanged pleasantries before Taeyong headed back to his friends. After months of being friends with Yuta, Taeyong didn’t find it hard to speak with Doyoung about anything, in fact, the co-worker was actually knowledgeable about so many topics that made conversations with him so interesting. And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, Taeyong really enjoys watching Doyoung and Yuta bicker with each other.

“Took you forever,” Johnny remarked the moment Taeyong set his orders on the table.

“I got caught up in a small conversation with Doyoung,” Taeyong explained before slipping in beside Yuta, who was currently focused on solving some problem in the text book with eyebrows furrowed.

“Why do I have to be a part of this group study again?” Yuta grumbled as he put down his pen, clearly not enjoying the exercise in front of him. He didn’t have any issues regarding the company, but boy, it was taking him centuries to focus on a single item. Yuta had his own way of studying and usually it wouldn’t work if he’s not in his zone.

“It’s because we all know that you’d just lock yourself in your room with your 3DS instead of doing your problem sets,” Ten flatly answered, his eyes still trained on his computer screen.

“Yeah, but it’s not like we’re taking the same class, so you wouldn’t really be able to help me.”

“That’s not exactly true. Johnny and Taeyong took a similar course last semester so, wrong, they can actually help you.”

Yuta raised an eyebrow as he glanced at Johnny, who in return pouted at Yuta’s reaction.

“Don’t look at me like that! I may not look like it, but I can actually be smarter than Taeyong sometimes!”

“Oh, of course you can.”

“Actually, Johnny got a higher grade than I did,” Taeyong interjected. “He’s really good in that subject. He taught me techniques that made everything easier.” The softness of Taeyong’s smile on his lips made Yuta resign. There was no way he could win this, not when Taeyong finally made the move to butt in. He sent one final glare to Johnny before groaning.

“Ha, told you!” Johnny exclaimed, a smirk of victory present on his face. Ten just rolled his eyes at the childishness of his boyfriend and his housemate. But he also couldn’t hide the small twinkle of his own, knowing all too well that it’s one of the reasons why he loved this specific group of friends to begin with.

Taeyong watched them all mind their businesses, smile not faltering. The feeling was warm and cozy – just perfect for the cold autumn weather. It may be a different version, but he’s glad that he’s finally home.

-

It was around 4 PM when Jaehyun and Winwin decided to take a little stroll and buy some treats along the way, hoping that their bodies would get warmed up in the middle of the chilly weather. The sun was completely hidden behind the clouds, the sky blanketed by a mix of pink and orange.

“You should really start wearing thicker layers of clothing,” Jaehyun mumbled as he took off his jacket, draping it over his boyfriend’s shoulders. “Summer’s over two months ago, you know? You’ll catch a cold if you keep this up.” Winwin replied with a small ‘thanks’ before putting on the article properly. “Anyway, have you started studying for midterms?”

“I’ll probably start this coming weekend. Wanna come over? Mom likes having you around, I think you know that already.”

Jaehyun chuckled at the last sentence. It was true. Winwin’s family had been so welcoming to him, treating him as if he was one of their own. “That’s a wonderful idea. Sure, I’ll come over,” he smiled, getting excited for Saturday to come all of a sudden. “Should I bring something for your mom?”

“Hm, up to you, although that’s really unnecessary.”

“I know, I just want to win over her heart.”

“You already did.”

They continued walking, the conversations coming in waves. They haven’t seen each other in a while, yet it felt like they’ve missed each other for an eternity – it’s not like the either of them still minded, though. They’re together now, and they’d be with each other again on the weekend.

Jaehyun realized that it’s been more than a year since they met and he could never be thankful enough to that fateful day. Before Dong Sicheng happened, life was okay, he had his family, his friends, and Lee Taeyong. He was happy, contented. The sun rises and sets, things come and go. In the near future, he’d meet someone he’d connect to in a whole different level, and that was that – just simple facts of life. There was no denying that he used to be thrilled by the idea of soulmates before, but never did he think that it would turn his already colorful life into something more vibrant and vivid. But came Dong Sicheng and he didn’t know that it was possible for him to be, well,  _happier_. He then didn’t want the night to fall because that meant that he had to say good night to Winwin, albeit temporary, a goodbye was still a goodbye for Jaehyun. He found it surprising and slightly confusing at first, how his heart longed and ached for his soulmate whenever they were separated, how it felt like it’s going to burst into galaxies whenever Winwin smiled. But then maybe that’s how love was, it was never meant to make any sense, but was meant to make people feel the extremities of emotions. The little things started to count more and it amazed Jaehyun how they would lead him to thinking that maybe Dong Sicheng could actually be an angel in disguise.

They turned to a corner, a fairly modest café greeting them. It was a little busier than usual now with midterms coming in. Thank goodness they were just there to pick up some muffins and cookies. Jaehyun patiently waited for Winwin to return with the orders, situating himself on an empty bar stool. Soft jazz was playing in the background and Jaehyun found himself bobbing his head as the music went on. He could smell pumpkin spice and chai tea everywhere and it made him remember a familiar kindness. His heart throbbed for a second or two.

“Let’s go?” Winwin was faster than expected, but it’s not like he’s complaining. With a nod, Jaehyun stood up from his seat and took one of the paper bags his boyfriend was holding.

“Let’s go.”

Just as they were about to head for the door, a known voice registered into Jaehyun’s mind and as if it was a reflex reaction, he turned his head towards the source, his chest full of yearning and expectations. A small smile broke past his lips, his eyes finding Taeyong just meters away from him. By the looks of it, he and his friends were doing some group study. His heart started to swell, tears threatening to escape his eyes. It’s been roughly more than two months since he last talked to Taeyong – the most recent one being in the midst of summer break, although it could even hardly count as proper conversation. College became different for them as Jaehyun soon found the distance between them getting wider and wider. He tried his best bridging the gap, but he ended up being lost in the process. Slowly, he felt like his best friend was becoming a stranger, but despite that, he still wanted to run to Taeyong. Jaehyun missed him and was still missing him.

“Want to talk to him?” Winwin interrupted Jaehyun’s musings, hoping that he’d get ‘yes’ for an answer. He didn’t exactly know what happened between Jaehyun and Taeyong. He never bothered asking about it anymore and decided to wait until Jaehyun was ready to talk regarding the matter. But one thing was for sure: Jaehyun longs for his best friend.

The offer was tempting, but Jaehyun figured out that today was not the right day – mainly because despite all the yearning, he still was not ready to face Taeyong. And so they left the café, Jaehyun dragging his heart along with him.

-

“It’s so fucking cold!” Yuta exclaimed as he shuddered, putting his hands together in a rubbing motion, a vain attempt to warm them up.

“Well you wouldn’t be complaining about it if only you didn’t decide to get out of the shower with only a towel wrapped around your waist.” Ten rolled his eyes as he took off the kettle of boiling water from the heat.

“I forgot to take my clothes along with me, okay?”

“You could’ve told me to bring them to you.”

“I thought you were still sleeping.”

“Just go to your room and put on some clothes. I’m making hot chocolate, do you want some?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

A minute or two later, Yuta came out of his room with a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, his eyes glued to his phone screen, a smile drawn on his lips. He absentmindedly sat on the bar stool and waited for Ten to finish up.

“Is it Taeyong?” Ten asked as he handed over Yuta’s favorite mug.  Yuta wasn’t able to answer verbally, only blushing at the question – that was the only response Ten needed. “You know, you’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately…I mean for someone who isn’t even taking up the same course as you.”

“And what’s wrong with that? We're good friends.” Yuta pouted as he put down his phone and took the mug from Ten’s hand.

“Oh, I’m not saying it’s wrong, my dear housemate and friend. You could have sleepovers everyday if you want. I’m just trying to point out that you should start guarding your heart.”

Yuta fell silent for seconds before replying, “I know, I know,” but it almost didn’t bear any weight. There was a clear change of mood between them, silence filling in for the supposed to be conversation.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Yuta. You know I love the both of you and I just don’t want things to get weird between the two of you if things come to worst.”

“I know.”

“I’m aware that feelings are unstoppable forces and once they hit you, they hit you hard. I just don’t want you to be in too deep. I don’t want to see you in those kinds of pain again. And if Taeyong finds out about it, he'll hurt as well. ”

“I know.”

Ten never meant to harm him, but the little wake up call started to keep him grounded after being in cloud nine for a while now. It’s not like Yuta forgot about what Taeyong was to him and what he currently was to Taeyong. He was also aware that he needs to have his feelings in check, if not muted.

However, Lee Taeyong was Lee Taeyong. He was a lot of things. He’s a bouquet of wild flowers, beautiful and feral. He’s sunshine through the window, moonlight on Yuta’s cheeks. He’s a siren song, a deadly melody that could lull Yuta any given time. He’s a riddle that put the trickiest puzzles of the sphinx to shame. He’s the smell of old books and coffee in a Sunday morning. He’s both a secret and a revelation. He’s everything Yuta couldn’t have according to fucking law governing their universe. But then again,  _Taeyong was a lot of things_  and so he’s also gravity and he’s pulling Yuta more and more.

Yuta’s still falling – his heart beating in soft and nearly silent thuds – and he doesn’t have any clue on how to hit the brakes.

“You don't have to avoid him, just be careful. Put some thought into it, yeah?” Ten gave Yuta’s hand a reassuring squeeze, which Yuta happily gave back. “I’ll try my best to do research whenever I can, but for the mean time, try to know when to pause.”

“You’re really the best.”

Ten beamed. “Of course.”

-

Taeyong just got home from a day mostly spent in the library. Just as he was about to head to the kitchen, his phone buzzed. On its screen was a name he hadn’t seen on his phone for a while now, a name that almost seemed foreign to him despite knowing it for the longest time. His dinner plans were then easily forgotten.

‘I miss you, Taeyong.’

‘I’m still here.’

‘I never left.’

‘So when you’re ready, feel free to talk to me about everything.’

‘Or just anything you want to tell me about.’

‘I hope to see you soon.’

He read everything once and then twice and then everything got so hazy. Jaehyun was missing him. Jaehyun was still there and never left. Taeyong read them again, as if analyzing a passage. He was reading everything right.

The world stopped turning and fell into ruin. Taeyong could almost hear his heart shattering and the stars dying one by one. His breathing started to falter as streams of tears rolled down his cheeks, limbs shaking. Taeyong’s knees gave up on supporting him and he ended up on the floor, back pressed against his door. A storm was brewing in the pits of his stomach and he was in pain once again. He felt something crawling up his throat.

‘I miss you, too, Jaehyun,’ he typed, but didn’t bother pressing the send button. He gazed at his screen for minutes before giving up. No, Taeyong was not strong yet enough to welcome Jaehyun back and clarify everything. He’s still in the process of moving on, still trying to climb every mountain and conquer every sea.  Jaehyun deserved an explanation and Taeyong promised himself that he’d soon give one. Not now, but soon. Hopefully.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he whispered before locking his phone screen, voice trembling along with his hands. “I’m sorry, Jaehyun.” He repeated those words like a prayer, hoping the heavens would let his best friend know of his truest sentiments. “I’m sorry.”

Taeyong felt himself burning, wildfire spreading across his abdomen. He also felt drowning, a tsunami pushing and pulling his fragile heart. He was being annihilated by all the calamities inside of him, but these were nothing compared to the feeling of missing someone who was never meant to happen in the first place. The situation spelled havoc, screamed destruction, whispered catastrophe. It was brutality in its most honest form, murder of the second degree. It was written on his bones and carved on his flesh, this tragedy.

He was barely breathing, heart pounding in its slowest pace. He was alive and dying and the pain was real. It was not a dream, this was far from a dream. Taeyong was hurting once again because of what he was doing to Jaehyun, his supposed to be soulmate, and more importantly, his best friend. The separation between heaven and hell was comparable to the distance between what he was feeling and what he wanted to feel. And Jaehyun was not at fault, he never was to blame. This was Taeyong’s battle and his alone.

It took him more than an hour to finally calm down. His eyes were stinging from crying, throat aching from all the sobbing. Taeyong stood on both feet and made his way towards his bathroom. He took a quick shower and didn’t bother eating, deciding to hit the sheets instead. He was done for the evening, and probably done for the remaining of the week, too. He closed his tired orbs and mumbled, “good night,” to himself, to Jaehyun, to the rest of the world.

-

Taeyong had no idea why and how, but he soon found himself on Johnny’s bedroom floor on a Sunday evening holding a controller in his hands.

Oh wait, right, he recalled. Ten and Yuta were on a trip to Ikea and Johnny wanted to tag along, but Ten insisted that it was a ‘housemates only’ bonding time and that led to Johnny ending up calling Taeyong to come over so that they could play Mario Kart on Wii.

“When did you get so good at this?!” Johnny exclaimed as yet another loss welcomed him. It was his seventh for the evening and they only played eight games so far.

“I sometimes borrow Yuta’s 3DS. I get training straight from the Nintendo master,” Taeyong answered as he reached out for the bag of Lay’s.

“That’s different from Wii!”

“Mario Kart is still Mario Kart, though.”

“Maybe it’s the character you’re using.”

“Hey! Ten uses Peach sometimes, too! You never called him out for it,” Taeyong pouted, quite aware that the conversation would soon go to nowhere.

Johnny stayed silent. Taeyong clearly won this, too (score update: 8 to 1, Lee Taeyong with the lead).   

He beamed and continued eating the potato chips, but soon came to a halt when he noticed Johnny staring at him, a known grin on his friend's visage.

“Is there something wrong with my face?”

“None,” Johnny simply answered.

“Then why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing.”

“Seo Youngho.”

“Really, there’s nothing!”

“I’m not convinced. I have crumbs all over my face, don’t I?”

“I swear your face is clean as a whistle.”

“Then spill it.”

The taller one sighed, acknowledging the fact that Taeyong wouldn’t let this go. “I was just worried about you earlier.”

“Eh?” Taeyong asked, eyebrows almost meeting. “Did something happen to me that I do not know about? Am I supposed to be in trouble?”

“No, it’s just that I bumped into Jaehyun when I was on the way to Ten’s apartment earlier. He asked me how you were doing, and I said you’re fine. He said, and I quote, ‘good to know,’ and then thanked me and then he said goodbye. That’s it.”

“Oh.”

Johnny paused for a while, taking something into consideration. A certain question has been stuck in his throat for some time now, and he thought that this was probably the best time to ask. “Taeyong, look, I don’t mean to pry, but if I may ask, how long has it been since you started avoiding Jaehyun?”

“I…to tell you the truth, I don’t know…I think. The realization dawned on me when I was already keeping myself away from him.”

Johnny nodded, slowly finding answers as to why sometimes he felt Taeyong was somewhere else despite just being right beside him. Truth to be told, he never expected to be this close to Taeyong, remembering how awkward Taeyong used to be during the first day of classes. But as time passed by, he learned that Taeyong owned a gentle heart. Taeyong was so good, so true, almost holy – a friend to be kept and treasured forever. And so, there he was, worrying about his coursemate more often than not.

“I didn’t mean to keep it away from any of you, Johnny. I was just –”

“It’s cool man, you don’t owe me an explanation. You didn’t even have to answer that question. I’m really sorry if you were forced to talk about it. I was just terribly worried, Taeyong. But hey, I understand a little better now, so no worries.”

“Johnny…” Taeyong’s voice trailed off, not knowing what else to say. He was surrounded by the beautiful people, the greatest set of friends he could ask for. It came to him that these were the people who would pick him up and lead the way whenever he finds himself stuck or lost (maybe Jaehyun could count if Taeyong would let him). Johnny, Ten, and Yuta: their kindness came in cataracts, weekend group studies, and home-cooked dinners. A friendship so calming, a benediction of sorts.

“Whatever happened between the two of you, I hope that you guys make up soon. Let’s all be happy.”

Taeyong hesitated for a moment as he took in Johnny’s words. “Yes, let us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like its been months since the last update so im sorry sdnfjk as u can see this chapter is a little keeping up with the characters chapter i hope u dont mind i just thought that it would be somehow appropriate after not touching this for five months i also apologize for the incoherent(ish??) writing bec honestly i havent written anything for so long so yeah tryin to warm myself up again anyway!!! i hope everyones doing fine!!! dk when the next update will be but i hope that it wont take me half a year dsknfjkn ok bye!!!


End file.
